Monday, May 21, 2007

Hart Saves Baby Orphans From OSU Ninja Death Squad!

Today seemed like just another ordinary day for Mike Hart. He was on his way out of the UM hospital after doing his usual weekly round of community service - meeting with the sick, cheering up the patients, and basically spreading joy and merriment wherever he went. Then, Hart heard the distressed cries of babies coming from the UM Hospital's Orphan Wing like a shrill alarm sounding danger.

Hart, who was already in his karate outfit because he was heading to train with Grady and Mr. Miyagi, immediately ran over to the Orphan Wing to find the cause of the disturbance. It was there where Hart discovered a three-man OSU Ninja death squad who had intentions of kidnapping and killing these defenseless babies.

"I wasn't really ready for this," said Hart. "But I had to take these OSU ninjas down or these babies would be sold for parts on the black market. There was no way those ninjas were going to get by me with those babies!"

It has long been rumored that OSU had been stealing babies and selling their fresh virginal organs for profit in order to keep the pockets of their players lined with cash, therefor preventing their immoral and greedy players from taking kickbacks from their jobs or from boosters and losing eligibility. This dastardly trio proved these allegations to be true.

Thankfully, Hart made quick work of the Ninjas. In a fashion that would have Chuck Norris, Bruce Lee, and Jean-Claude Van Damme green with envy, Hart disposed of the ninjas with style and a smile before he gently returned the baby orphans to safety and individually rocked them all to sleep. The ninjas were arrested by the Ann Arbor Police and are being held for questioning until further notice.

Once again, Mike Hart emerges the hero. Is there any limit to what he can do? Is there an end to his generosity, selflessness, or all-around general awesomeness? We here at Autumn Thunder know the answer to that question - and so do the orphans sleeping soundly in their cribs thanks to one special tailback.


Andrew said...

is the "Hart of gold" pun too obvious?

Anonymous said...

this blog sucks, there has not been one real post. I realize that you are trying to be funny but all of these posts are dumb as hell.

This is coming from a Michigan fan


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