"These 12 years with Michigan have been some of the greatest years in my life. Making the decision to leave was incredibly difficult and I had to consider many things. But eventually, I came to realize that this was the right time to step down and allow the program to transition to a new era."
Then, unexpectedly, Carr reached into his blazer's breast pocket, pulled out an eyepatch, and put it on.
Carr exclaimed, "Aye! And now that I be leavin' football, I'm gon' ta try me hand at somethin' new - piratin'! And why not? Me haves the perfect pirate name...CARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"
Everyone at the press conference was shocked and speechless.
Carr continued. "Avast! Me've assembled the finest pirate crew of Michigan players a coach could hope for. Mike HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARt! LamARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR Woodley! ChARRRRRRRRRRRRles Woodson. Jim HARRRRRRRRRRRRRbaugh! John NavARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRe! MARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRio Manningham! And last, but not least, Adrian ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRington and CARRRRRRRRRRRRRRson Butler. Those two be always meant to pillage and plunder!"
When asked what his future plans were as a pirate king, Carr responded "I'm gon' ta sail around the coast to California, and then wage war on me enemy Slippery Pete CARRRRRRRRRRRol! I will haves me revenge! YARR!"