Showing posts with label Maurice Clarett. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Maurice Clarett. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Linday Lohan and Maurice Clarett: Soul Mates?

2007 Bonnie and Clyde?

Do you ever wonder if people are made for each other? The Cowbell Commander sure does. After reading about Lindsay Lohan's arrest yesterday, I can't help but think how much in common she has with über-douche Maurice Clarett. I bet that if these two got together, they would find that they could really relate to each other, and fall in love. Yes, that's right. Keep reading.

What does a spoiled Hollywood party girl have in common with a thug from Ohio? Hear me out for a minute.

First of all, these two were on the verge of blowing up their careers, made some bad decisions, and seriously derailed themselves from the successful paths laying in front of them. Get the small violins ready, folks.

After "Mean Girls", Lohan became America's jail bait princess. She was appearing everywhere in tabloids, getting lots of media attention, and was being offered an increased array of roles on screen. Yet, the lure of the Tinseltown party scene was too much for Lohan to handle and she single-nostriledly dismantled her career snort by snort.

Clarett was the victim of a different seductress - greed. Over $10,000 in illegal booster gifts were stolen out of a car Clarett borrowed and he was excommunicated from the OSU football factory without so much as a goodbye.

If Lindsay and Maurice got together for some lattes at Starbucks, they'd surely reminisce about all the good times in their lives before they seriously screwed themselves over and destroyed their chances a normal young adulthood.

Second, both Clarett and Lohan had multiple chances to get their acts straight, but chose to stay on the dark side. It wasn't just one bad choice that got them where they are today - they had the opportunity to learn from their mistakes and missed the lesson.

Clarett was given a second chance at football when the Denver Broncos drafted him in 2005 (even though he was quickly and unceremoniously cut from the team) and after his release following his first arrest in 2006. But hey, what can you say? It's hard to separate a man and his firearms.

Lohan went to rehab in February 2007, but she still didn't learn to stop powdering her nose in public. In April of this same year, she was publicly admonished by Hollywood executives for her flagrant unprofessionalism while acting in the crap-tacular "Georgia Rule," and a few days ago, Lohan was slapped with her second DUI and possession of her white powdery friend. Learn from your mistakes already!

They might seem like polar opposites. Lohan soft and feminine, glitzy and in the limelight. Clarett hard, dark, and gritty. But, I think that these two would make quite that handsome couple if the opportunity presented itself, don't you?

Friday, April 27, 2007

Maurice Clarett: Not Smarter Than a 5th Grader.



Upon their first parole from prison, most ex-inmates take a little time to decompress and enjoy life. They do things like hangin' with the homeys, spending some time with the baby mama, and sipping down some cool forties while smokin' some Phillies. Not Maurice Clarett!

After becoming hooked on "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader" while incarcerated, Clarett's first goal after getting out of prison was to get on the show, outsmart some elementary schoolers, and win some cash to start paying his legal bills and alimony. Too bad for Clarett he was up against Spencer "El Nino" Sanchez in the first round.

Sanchez outsmarted Clarett on every question. Long division? You could see the steam coming from Clarett's ears. Geography? El Nino owned that category like Clarett owned illegal firearms. Spelling? Clarett was D-O-M-I-N-A-T-E-D. After all that he had been through in the last two years, this was almost unbearable for Clarett. Foxworthy's unrelenting taunts caused Clarett to break down in tears in front of a national television audience.

"Bein' expelled from school was bad. Bein' 'rested the first time was bad. Being 'rested the SECOND time be twice as bad. I ain't even gonna lie to you bout that, son! You know what goes on in the joint?!? YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW! Clarett hysterically screamed at the children. But dis? Sayin' I ain't smarter than no 5th grader is the most embarrassing thing I ever had to do."

 

Don"t Click Here