Monday, December 31, 2007

Wheelchair Debate Still Rolling Along.

Gentlemen! Welcome to my newly accessible Big House lair.

If any of you are wondering if there has been any big updates with the Michigan Stadium renovation/disabled access situation, there have been none. So far, no official word has been announced whether or not UM is in compliance with the 1990 Americans with Disabilities Act (although UM fervently claims that it is.)

Recently, UM has proposed the installation of 300 wheelchair accessible spots at each opening in the bowl, with the provision that the spots may be replaced with regular seating on an as-available basis.

The Office for Civil Rights rejected this offer because the seating wasn't permanent.

So much for compromise.

Where does the line between common sense and legislation need to be drawn?

Sunday, December 30, 2007

How The Hell Will They Stop Tebow?

Behold the horror of my spread offense! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!

In a little less than two days, the Michigan defense will have to try and stop Tim Tebow, who many would argue is the single greatest offensive weapon in college football today. Good luck with that one, fellas. Here are some Tebow-handling tips I would like to offer the Wolverines before the Capital One Bowl on Tuesday.

Distract him with attractive women.

Most of us have seen the pictures of Tim Tebow with Juggy McFakerson floating around the internets. From this, we can deduce that while Tebow has proven himself nigh invulnerable to blitzing linebackers and defensive tackles, he has shown us a weakness: boobies.

Therefor, the Michigan co-eds should do everything in their power to distract Tebow before and during the game. If we can't beat him on the field, we'll target him where any 19 year old man can be exploited.

Pray for A Miracle.

Let's face it. Unless something quite extraordinary happens, Tebow will tear Michigan's defense to shreds. Go into this game with no expectations and you'll probably get through it without major depression afterwards.


Sorry it took so long, but I was really enjoying the time off. Back to work now!

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Taking a Holiday Break

Break time!

I am now in my parents' home outside Philadelphia and will have no access to photoshop (and why else would you visit this site?) until the day after Christmas. I'll be back around then with my usual shtick.

Until then, I hope you have a wonderful and safe holiday.

The Cowbell Commander

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Terrelle Pryor: Man; Myth; Gargoyle?

Terrelle Pryor is 6'6," 220 pounds, and fast as hell. He can run the ball, throw with a good zip, and singlehandedly disassemble high school defenses. Where will he end up? Will the lure of RichRod attract him to Michigan? Will be be a Buckeye in two months?

One thing is for sure - wherever he ends up, he'll still look like a gargoyle.

A badass, don't take no crap from anybody, "I'm gonna score 28 points on you just by myself" gargoyle.


Sunday, December 16, 2007


Dollaz comes through in the end.

Oh Dollaz! I can't believe you pulled this one off. I apologize for all the photoshopping of you I have done in the last two weeks. Maybe you didn't know what you were doing during the search. Maybe this was all dumb luck. But whatever.

I hereby forgive you for stressing me out for the last month and thank you with the utmost gratitude for this awesome early Christmas gift.

Welcome to Michigan, Rich Rod.

Rich Rod? Re-Guess.

Hey! Let me go! Woob-woob-woob-woob-woob!

Well, that certainly would have been awesome. I hope Rich Rod enjoys the raise we just gave him.

The death march to Ron English continues...

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Will Bill Martin Steal Christmas?

His brain is two sizes too small.

The search has been on for twenty-three days
And Michigan fans were all in a haze.
"Where is the coach?" Asked Cindy Lou Blue.
"THERE IS A PROCESS!" Yelled back Mary Sue.

He called up Les Miles. He called up Schiano.
He called a wiggy-wam-wumpy-wee-wanno.
But there was no coach for the old Wolverines
And recruiting was heading right to the latrine.

The wait for a coach took joy out of Chad
And Mike Hart and Jake were gloomily sad
Their last days in blue were all but forgot
Because of some dingy-dumb-douche on a yacht.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Impeccable Sources Point Towards DeBord.

Say it ain't so! But it IS!

I have it from an impeccably reliable source that Mike DeBord will be new head coach of the Wolverines. This represents a new low in the program's history and possibly that of major college football as well.

Why, Bill Martin? WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Photo Credit: Mike DeSimone

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Zoolander Not To Be Michigan Coach.

It's my new look! I call it..."Maize and Blue Steel."

For a while last week, rumors flew around that Sean Payton was being considered for the Michigan coaching job. Those rumors have been put to rest.

"Like, I am totally not going to be the Michigan coach. It's not my fault I'm such a beautiful option, with this perfect bone structure and stylish hairdo. I make too much money in the NFL to leave. And with that money, I'm going to some good in the world. I'm going to open the Sean Payton Institute for Athletic Directors Who Can't Hire Coaches Good."

Good Grief, Bill Martin.

"I killed it! Augghh! Everything I touch gets ruined!"

So, it's been nearly three weeks and Michigan is nowhere close to getting a top-notch coach. What is going wrong here? Don't people want to take this job? Why can't he close a deal?

Some people defend Bill Martin. I can't say I put myself in that camp, although deep down I believe when this mess is all over, we'll have a very exciting shiny new football coach.

But for now...good grief Bill Martin.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Dollaz's Love Boat.

I'm raising my mast! Fershizzle!

It is now official. Les Miles has signed his new deal to be the coach of the LSU Tigers until 2012. While Les Miles and his agent were awaiting a signal from Michigan, where was Big Billy Dollaz?

"Yo Yo Yo! I was gettin' my splish-splash on with Kelly, Stacy, and Kiki!" explained Dollaz.

"Chicks dig old rich dudes at yacht clubs, especially if they're wearing a pimp-tacular captain's hat. People think I should have been taking care of business last weekend. But hold up - partay-ing with dime-ass honeys is my business! What would you rather do? Negotiate on the most important decision in Michigan athletics during your tenure, or put suntan lotion on Kiki? I think we already know the answer to that question, dawg."

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Autumn Thunder Book Club: If I Don't Six.

Not Bad.

"97Alumni", an AT reader, turned me on to this book via the comments section of my review for Meat Market. I bought "If I Don't Six" for a penny off, and for a penny, if nothing else, it was an interesting read for a few subway rides.

The author of this book, Elwood Reid, played for Michigan in the 1980's. Apparently disenchanted with the program, in 1998, Reid wrote a fictional (and possibly disguised, exaggerated, transfigured personal) account of a freshman's first year with The Wolverines.

The main character, Elwood Riley, is an interesting mixture of intellectual, brute, and hoodlum. Riley prides himself on reading philosophy and doing excellently in school, and accordingly never quite fits in with most of the Michigan football team, who Reid depicts as meat-headed jocks with names like Napalm and Kong.

After a few weeks in the program, Riley starts to wonder if there is more to life than football. He starts to gravitate towards a small camp of players who realize that they can't quit the team, but long to escape the program's clutches because they believe they fail to see the benefit from the daily grind. From there, Riley starts making bad decisions like getting in fights with teammates, partying before games, acting insolent towards coaches, and stealing from the locker room. It's not long before his freshman year is filled with turmoil and conflict which ultimately ends with a physical confrontation with one of the coaches.

I thought this would be an inside look at the dark side of Michigan's football program. But, that's not what this book turned out to be. While an interesting and entertaining work of fiction, anyone with hopes to see the program's dirty laundry aired will left wanting. While Riley's character does come off many times as an ungrateful, selfish jerk, at his core, he very well may be representative of some of the feelings freshman college football players have towards life and the game.

Should you buy? It's a penny. Give it a shot if you can find one for less than a quarter.

Monday, December 3, 2007

Giant Douche Vs. Turd Sandwich.

Crappy, even for my standards.

If the enemy of my enemy is my friend, than who is who? Whoever wins, there will be no "Ha Haaaaaaaaaa!" Moment for Michigan fans.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Michigan's Next Head Coach Shall Be Ron English.

My chin is ITCHY!

This is just an educated guess at what will transpire over the next two weeks, but my gut says that Ron English will be Michigan's next head coach. Here's why:

1) He is the only internal candidate which can be respectably considered for the job. DeBord is just NOT an option.
2) Michigan is cheap. The chance to pick up English on a mediocre salary will be appealing.
3) Michigan loves cronyism. The chance to promote one of their own will be appealing.
4) Lloyd Carr was promoted from DC with no head coaching experience.
5) English has proven himself to be able to recruit like crazy, is a motivator, has fire, and can win with good talent.
6) After being the center of controversy and being publicly burned, Michigan will not offer the job to a coach who will turn the job down. They want a low-risk hire this time around.

Any thoughts?

Saturday, December 1, 2007


I am not a crook! CRAP! I mean Michigan coaching candidate!

Okay, what the hell just happened? In a logical world...

1) Man's dream job opens up.
2) Man is said to be top candidate for dream job and will be contacted within a definite time frame for said dream job.
3) Man accepts dream job; can die happy.

But hey, if the 2007 season has taught us anything, it's the unexpected is never impossible.

Screw you, Les Miles. Keep your giant balls and your penalties in Baton Rouge.

Dollaz! Now go get Brian Kelly! NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW!

Wednesday, November 28, 2007


You're off the island. Please extinguish your torch and go home.

Ah, what a relief. I think it's safe to say we all did a collective "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" this morning upon hearing the news that Kirk Ferentz will not be our new head coach.

Only three days until Les Miles' season is over and the true madness can begin.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Who Do You Love?

Rarrrrrrr! Me Angry!

If you had to choose either Les Miles or Sam McGuffie in 2008, who would you choose?

A star player can really make a difference to a team, and even carry them through a tough season and lead them to greatness. Look no further than our own Mike Hart to prove how one man can be the special winning ingredient. Texas had Vince Young, Florida has Tebow, and USC had Reggie Bush. Without a doubt, a special athlete can make a program in the short term. No one will argue against the fact that Sam McGuffie is sensational - but if he is a gamebreaking, unstoppable force at the college level remains yet to be seen.

In the long term, a good coach will have the superior impact on a program. Great recruiting, solid coaching, and keeping up excellent relationships with the press keep a great program on a successful trajectory. Jim Tressel, Urban Meyer, and Pete Carrol are all examples of how top-notch coaching can bring a program to the top tier of elite college football teams. The question is - is Miles this kind of coach? He has done a very respectable job at LSU - but much of what he needed for success at his post was installed by his predecessor.

My gut says go with McGuffie. There are lots of good coaching candidates around who would do a fantastic job - but that once-in-a-decade recruit comes around only so often.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Autumn Thunder Booth Review: Baby Wolverine DVD.

Much better than Barney.

When the fine folks at Team Baby Entertainment (the company behind the MDen Lee Corso appearance) asked me to do a review of their latest and greatest educational video, I was glad to lend a helping hand. Let's face it - getting into college is getting harder by the year. Remember what you had to do when you applied to Michigan? Take the SATs, do well in high school, extracurricular activities - it's no easy feat!

If you want to give your kid a head start on learning letters, numbers, colors, and Michigan sports, the Baby Wolverine DVD is a good way to go. It has educational content like counting and spelling for the kids, and tons of sports clips to make watching tolerable for the parents. Forget the purple dinosaurs and The Wiggles. This video has David Terrell catching long bombs for touchdowns.

Since I have no kids, I can't say how a toddler would react to this. But, I did test it on the dog. It kept Mikey interested for a while, which I'd say is pretty impressive!

Mikey likes it!

The Chase Is On!

Miles and Ferentz neck and neck in front. English bringing up the rear.

Though it's only been a week since the job is open, but already there has been significant developments on the hiring of Michigan's new football coach. As Brian previously reported, Kirk Ferentz has been offered the gig. Let us pray to Bo that he rejects the offer. Les Miles is still the fan favorite, and Brian Kelly is still a good second/third choice. The possibility of Glen Mason was tossed around in the media, but one can only hope that situation will never be anything more than just speculation. In last place? Most likely Ron English. Talented, but not ready for the gig yet.

The most significant developments are yet to come - Miles still has not coached his final game and Martin will not contact a candidate coach about the job until their season is over.

I can't wait until next Monday when things get REALLY interesting.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Autumn Thunder's "Keep Sam McGuffie" Petition Now Online!

Do you still love us?

When Sam McGuffie committed to Michigan a few months ago, the Maize and Blue fanbase rejoiced. Oh, how wonderful it would be to see him in that winged helmet! Now it appears that with the coaching change drama so prominently in the news, certain commitments may be wavering. The only thing we, the future Sam McGuffie fans can do is show our appreciation for this awesome Texan.

If you have 15 seconds, please sign the "Keep Sam McGuffie in Maize and Blue" petition. Do you think we can get 10,000 signatures before the new coach is named? I do!

If you have the inclination, email it to your friends! Put it up on some message boards! Let's get that 10,000! No other fanbase will appreciate him like we will - let's show it.

If he sees the love we have for him and knows of his opportunity on the depth chart, hopefully he'll be a Wolverine in February.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

The Ultimate Tiger Trap?

In his farewell press conference, Lloyd claimed that the only reason for this being the time for his resignation was out of concern for future of the Michigan football program. Not to accuse Coach Carr of being malevolent towards Les Miles, but allow me to play devil's advocate for a minute and let us explore other possible reasons for Lloyd picking this as the time to retire:

1) Lloyd's departure sets the LSU athletic department to Defcon Five. In order to keep Miles around LSU, Skip Bertman, the LSU AD, offers Miles a very substantial raise. If Miles refuses the raise and accepts an offer from Michigan, he is giving up the possibility of being one of the highest-paid coaches in NCAA football. If he takes the raise and stays at LSU, people may say his love for Bo and ties to Michigan weren't as strong as initially thought - a major slap in his face. Truly a lose-lose situation for Miles.

2) Michigan offers Miles the job before the SEC Championship or even the BCS Championship (should the Tigers make it.) If Miles is not allowed to coach LSU after accepting a Michigan offer (not unheard of in college athletic politics, as Bo Schembechler has shown us in the past with Bill Frieder) he must choose between coaching players he loves for a major trophy (who knows when the next time he'll coach for a championship will be?) and what many people say is his dream job. Another possible lose-lose situation.

Lloyd Carr has always been a man of the highest moral standard. However, one can't quite ignore the possibilities that any personal disapproval with Miles' candidacy for the job might have factored into the way he retired.

What do you guys think?

Monday, November 19, 2007


Dear Mike,

It's hard to believe it's all over now. I remember the first time I saw you during my senior year at Michigan and thinking, 'Wow, I bet this kid's gonna be pretty great someday.' Fast forward four years later to the point where I own #20 home and away jerseys, devote a significant portion of my workday sneaking around the internet reading about you, and naming my first dog after you. I guess 'pretty great' was a pretty big understatement.

By now you've probably seen my blog and may have been a little creeped out. But please, before you go, allow me to explain.

Sure, the stuff you may have seen here might seem a little off-the-wall and nothing more than the cheesy fabrications of a guy with a serious mancrush. That might be true - but in all seriousness, you are a real inspiration to me.

You give hope to everyone who has the odds pitted against them. You aren't big. You aren't fast. You don't have superhuman strength. But damn were you successful - moreso than anyone else who did what you do in over 100 years of the greatest football tradition on Earth. People with God-given abilities far beyond your measure didn't even come close to what you accomplished during your time at Michigan. An unyielding desire to win and a don't-take-no-for-an-answer attitude carried you higher and farther than the strongest, fastest, most elusive legs ever could.

You had a lot of great plays on the field while you were here - too many to list. But you know the ones I will remember most? Not the thirty-yard runs after breaking a tackle. Not the runs where you fiercely stiff armed a linebacker in the face and never looked back after you ran on.

The plays I will remember most are the two or three yard runs where you tried hard, but didn't get it. The ones where you would always pop back up, shake yourself off, and bounce back to the line ready for your next try.

It makes me think that if I really set my sights on something and never give up, I can be something really special too.

Thanks for everything.

Most Sincerely,


Autumn's Twilight.

Dear Lloyd,

What can I say to you that hasn't been said already? Thanks for everything you've given us and for thirteen years of class, honor, and dignity. May you have a peaceful, happy, and productive retirement. You deserve it.

It's My Birthday!

So as of three minutes ago, I am officially 25 years old. It's kind of a surreal moment - eighteen hours ago I was living the dream back in Ann Arbor (except the loss part) and now I'm back in my crappy Brooklyn apartment dreading the hours until I have to go back to my cubicle.

Being back in Ann Arbor, a place filled with so much hope, so many dreams, and so many talented and accomplished people reminded me how life is really supposed to be lived - going after what you really want and not settling for anything less.

In front of all you AT readers, I hereby swear that I am going to make this the most productive and happiest year of my life since I left Michigan.

I wish I could hang out and have a beer and eat some wings with you guys. But since that's a geographic impossibility, send me a picture of a beer! It would be most appreciated and get my 25th year off to a great start.

Yours truly,


Sunday, November 18, 2007

Celebrity Weekend!

Say cheese, sweetheart!

This weekend, alongside tailgating with some good college buddies (and some VIP AT readers!), I got to meet a few football celebrities. My girlfriend, Decker (an old college buddy who once played quarterback against Henne in high school!) and I went to the MDen to meet Lee Corso. He couldn't have been a nicer guy. He seemed happy to meet all the fans who came to greet him and was willing to sign autographs and pose for pictures. You can't tell because I blacked out all the faces of those who wish to remain anonymous - but DAMN is that man orange!

Unverified Voracity meets Random Crap.

I also got to meet Brian from MGoBlog at a mysterious bar located somewhere near Ashley. He's even smarter-sounding in person than he is on the blog, if that's possible.

New At The MDen: The Michigan Thneed!

Will Michigan ever run out of products to license? During my visit to the MDen this trip, I saw the latest and greatest product I did not need but had the urge to buy anyway: The Michigan Thneed.

I'm being quite useful. This thing is a Thneed.
A Thneed's a Fine-Something-That-All-People-Need!
It's a shirt. It's a sock. It's a glove. It's a hat.
But it has OTHER uses. Yes, far beyond that.
You can use it for carpets. For pillows! For sheets!
Or curtains! Or covers for bicycle seats!

Oh, MDen. What will you have next time I come? One thing is for sure:

The Michigan Lorax is not amused.

Autumn Thunder's Official Urinal Playbook!

This Saturday, Michigan Stadium held the second-largest capacity crowd in its history. As a result, anyone trying to take a leak at halftime was in for an unpleasant surprise - a bathroom packed to the brim and filled with angry, frustrated fans. Should this ever happen again, and should you find yourself holding it in instead of braving the medieval urinal troughs, fear not! Here is the official Autumn Thunder Michigan Stadium Urinal Playbook. BEHOLD!

Scenario: It's halftime, and you think your kidneys are about to burst out of your back. So, you rush to the bathroom, only to find that the entranceway looks like a breadline in Cold War Russia. NOOOO!

The first thing you see when you enter is a wall of dudes. Don't be intimidated. Don't be distracted. Just keep your head on straight and focus on the job at hand - ridding yourself of the five or six beers you had before the game.

Don't be tricked into waiting right by the entrance. This is a high-traffic area and you're bound to wait the longest here. Be smart! Head straight through the wall of dudes, turn the corner, and head down the sideline. Pop out at the far right corner. From this angle, you have four possible angles of urination (AOU) at your disposal. You'll surely get a spot here.

If you do have to wait once you get to the area with the best AOU, you best pick a good lead blocker. Avoid these lead urinal blockers at all costs:

Old Men: These guys take forever. Plus,they stand there for like twenty minutes fixing their pants and tucking their shirts in after they're finished and block the lane for others.

Little Kids: A disaster waiting to happen. Almost always accompanied by their Dad - this deadly combination of urinal inefficiency effectively blocks two spots at the trough. Abort! Abort! Abort!

Opposing Fans: They are often confused, and are unsure as how to handle the medieval urinal trough. While not as poor a choice as the old man or the little kid, still avoid if possible.

Thus, the only good choice is The Hardcore Michigan Fan. These guys want to get in and get out and refuse to miss a moment of the halftime performance. They savor the tradition and pageantry of the whole Michigan football experience and won't dilly-dally on the job.

So there you have it, AT fans. Hit the hole hard, pick a good lead blocker, and feel that wonderful, wonderful relief.

Do you guys have any good strategies you'd like to share?

"What I'd Love To Be Able To Do Is Clone Him."

When Bill Martin was interviewed this past Saturday, a reporter asked him how he'd ideally like to replace Lloyd Carr.

Martin's answer?

"What I'd love to be able to do is clone him."

Can you imagine the possibilities? I sure can!

Autumn Thunder Exclusive: Mike Gittleson Interview.

Following the loss to the Buckeyes yesterday, I ran into UM strength and conditioning coach Mike Gittleson on the street. I was lucky enough to score an impromptu interview. BEHOLD!

CC: Thanks for the interview, Mr. Gittleson. I'm surprised Fort Schembechler lets you talk to the press, especially a crappy second-rate blog like mine!

MG: I didn't even ask them if I could. We all know I am sooooooooooooooooooo fired after this year is over, so what the hell does it matter, anyway?

CC: Good enough for me. So anyway, this won't take too long. I just want to ask you some questions about how you condition the offensive line. It seems like they were way overmatched and performed poorly all season.

MG: OK, shoot.

CC: Is it true that you recommend that the offensive linemen drink Big Gulp Slurpees and and Frosty Floats instead of Gatorade and water?

MG: Yes. Obviously, Slurpees and Frosty Floats taste much better than water, so the choice is simple.

CC: I see. Can you confirm that you had Alex Mitchell on an all-cookie dough diet while he was injured?

MG: You bet. Nothing brings a player back from injury faster than cookie dough.

CC: I've heard that you actually intravenously pump cake icing in on the training table to relieve cramps instead of saline solution. Rumor or truth?

MG: Truth! Sugar gives you energy.

CC: How did Jake Long play so well?

MG: Oh, that kid never listens to me.

Friday, November 16, 2007

You Know What Time It Is!

If there's ever a better song written, I don't want to hear it. This is my final post of the week before I return on Sunday. I'll be at the game this weekend, and if any of you guys want to tailgate, email me!

Otherwise, Go Blue and Good Luck!

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

We Don't Need No Damn Chinstraps - D'OH!

Danke schoen to AT reader "Euphpirate" for passing this beauty along. According to Euphpirate (a big fan of the Michigan Marching Band), the Worst Damn Band in the Land was giving many Big 10 marching bands guff about wearing chinstraps because they claim to not need them. Apparently, the Buckeye band might need them more than they think. Look at that hat laying out in the middle of the field!


Thanks Euphpirate!

Bizzarro World...

Barack? Hillary? Republicans? TRESSEL? 2008 just seems to have no good choices.

Muchas gracias to AT reader Brooke T for this lovely artwork. Hopefully we will never see the day where a person from tOSU is the leader of the free world!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Lloyd In Real Life.

In his most recent press conference, a reporter looked Lloyd straight in the eye and said, "Lloyd, I don't understand why you just don't answer the question. Do you want to be in Ann Arbor next year?"

Lloyd responded by saying "I'm just going to focus on the game this Saturday."


Some people look into this and speculate that Lloyd is hiding the fact that he is going to call it a career after this season. But look at the way Lloyd acts when he faces a tough, uncomfortable question in his everyday life. Do you think the way he acts in press conferences would be any different?

Lloyd Being Solicited By A Hot Female Groupie.

Groupie: Hey there! What are you doing after the game?
Lloyd: I respect your question, but I can't answer that question right now. I am doing something after the game, but I can't reveal at this time what it is. Next question please.

Lloyd Ordering Dinner At A Restaurant.

Hi! Do you know what you'd like to have for dinner?
Lloyd: At this time, I can't comment on that. It'll be a decision I'll make when the time is right. Right now, I'm going to focus on this free glass of water and the bread we have right in front of us.

Lloyd At A Traffic Stop.

Coach, do you know how fast you were going?
Lloyd: Of course (wry, self-satisfied smile).

Lloyd At His Bar-Mitzvah.

Lloyd, are you ready to become a man in the faith?
Lloyd: Well, that's a good question. Right now, I'm just going to read this Torah. I'll go one word at a time, and we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

You see? A Lloyd Carr press conference is a riddle wrapped inside an enigma. While we all have our suspicions of the true meaning of Lloyd's response to yesterday's question, we can only wait to hear his official decision.

Autumn Thunder Book Club: Meat Market

Definitely a must-buy you're a recruiting junkie. If you're not, it's a loaner.

The latest installment of the Autumn Thunder Book Club is "Meat Market" by Bruce Feldman. This book chronicals the 2006 recruiting season of Ed Orgeron and the Ole Miss coaching staff. If you are a hardcore recruiting junkie, you'll get a real kick out of this book. It provides in-depth details of how Orgeron, a master recruiter, evaluates players, picks his prospects, and goes after the prize. "Meat Market" also gives great insight into Jerrell Powe's unfortunate troubles with the NCAA clearinghouse, and provides tasty tidbits about some of 2006's hottest recruits (one emu-lookin' quarterback in particular!).

To be quite honest, I was hoping for some more anectodes about Ed Orgeron's cajun caveman personality in this book. I wanted some ridiculously hillarious shirt-ripping yaw-yawing tales that would make me laugh out loud. While I did get a few chuckles while reading this, I thought Feldman could have capitalized on this aspect of Orgeron to make the book much more entertaining.

It you really love recruiting, are a member of either Rivals or Scout (like me!) and want to get a closer look at how all this madness truly works, "Meat Market" is a must-read. For the average recruiting fan, this book might be a little disappointing - a lot of time is spend describing the high-school recruits, which takes away from the plot and development of the book's major characters.

I'd say give this book a whirl. If nothing else, the story about how Orgeron wrestled a recruit and how the wrestling became a major factor in his commitment makes this book entertaining enough to read.

Nice work, Mr. Feldman.

OSU Fan of the Week Loves Baaaaa-a-a-a-a-d Photoshop.

Jared K, you've done it again! How did you find time to create two of these beauties in one day?

Jessie Tiddleworth

Location: Columbus, OH

Hobbies: Taking rides on his sweet hog with his wife (pictured above), running over stray dogs on dirt roads (also pictured above)

Age: 56

Occupation: Corrections officer

Why He's A Buckeye Fan: "I just love that wool sweatervest Tressel wears every week! It makes me think of my sweetheart."

Jared, you're an AT all-star to say the least. Thanks for the great work.

OSU Fan of the Week Marches On!

While on vacation at the beach, AT reader Jared K snapped a photo of these young Buckeyes in training. Aren't they grotesq...adorable?

Mickey-Sue and Harold Gutz

Location: Canton, OH

Hobbies: Eating worms, spilling things, crying all the time.

Age: 2 (Mickey-Sue) and 3 (Harold)

Occupations: Screaming drunken brats

Why They're Buckeye Fans: "Blue? Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!"

It looks like it's too late for these two. Someone call social services ASAP!

OSU Fan of the Week Rolls On!

Muchas Gracias to AT reader Nick S who sent in this masterpiece. The talent out there is inspiring!

Rodney Davis

Location: Columbus, OH

Hobbies: Being Captain of his recently constructed yacht

Age: 34

Occupation: Sidewalk gum scraper

Why He's A Buckeye Fan: "Well, betweens all the drinkin', fightin', lightin' couches on fire, screamin', and passin' out, ya'll needs a team to root fer, right?"

Nick, Picasso ain't got nothin' on your skills.

Another OSU Fan of the Week!

Jeremy B of the Hoover Street Rag has sent over an OSU Fan of the Week! He didn't even have to use Photoshop skills to make this guy look like this - it's allllll natural, baby!

Lester McDaniel

Location: Akron, OH

Hobbies: Mullet maintenance, arm wrestling, and hosting Jean-Claude Van Damme movie marathons in his trailer.

Age: 29

Occupation: Arby's drive-thru guy

Why He's A Buckeye Fan: "I don't remember exactly how my love for the Buckeyes began. But I do remember I starteded to like them right around the time after I eated all that lead paint off Daddy's barn."

Thanks Jeremy! AT fans unite! We're on a roll!

Monday, November 12, 2007

OSU Fan of the Week!

Double the pleasure, double the fun!

Today, Autumn Thunder is proud to present two brothers who have grown up lifelong Buckeye fans.

Johnny-Jack and Freddy-Floyd Williamson

Location: Columbus, OH

Hobbies: Hog racing, monster trucks rallies, and watching Oprah.

Age: 35 (Willy-Jack) and 38 (Freddy-Floyd)

Occupation: They're both interning as septic tank engineers

Why They're Buckeye Fans: "Momma always tolded us, 'ya just wanna reach out an' hitch yer wagons to some stars.' But when yer like us, and yer too dumb and too lazy to get at them thar stars, the TV remote is always within reach and them Buckeys is always on. GO BUCKS!"

Ah. this is going to be a good week.

A Crappy Photoshop Call To Arms!

Attention AT readers! Do you have marginal Photoshop skills? Do you have an extreme disgust for The Ohio State University? Then The Cowbell Commander Wants YOU to be an Autumn Thunder Guest Artist.

This week is "OSU Fan of the Week" Week on Autumn Thunder. I know this feature has taken a backseat to actual news over the course of the season - but now it's back and I need your help to make this the funniest and perhaps most tasteless week ever.

If you have the inclination, a lack of talent, and a good sense of humor, send me your OSU Fans of the Week. I will post them all.

Let's get pumped for Saturday!


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