Monday, September 10, 2007

Autumn Thunder's Unlikely Yet Awesome New Head Coach Possibilities.

Science is brining us closer and closer to reanimating the dead by the day. Sure, this could result in some horrible zombie episodes, but also brings Michigan the opportunity to resurrect some of history's greatest leaders to coach the team back to greatness.

Teddy Roosevelt would be a great option for Michigan's new head coach. He's popular with the people, isn't afraid to take risks, and shows great initiative for problem solving (take the Panama Canal for example!). Plus, he would look like a total stud riding in on his horse under the Go Blue banner on Saturday afternoons. Hyah!

Honestly, I really don't know too much historical information about Otto Von Bismarck. I'm pretty sure he did some cool stuff back in ancient Prussia, but who cares about that? Look at that mustache! Look at that pointy helmet! Look at those spectacles! If you were at practice, you wouldn't screw around with Coach Von Bismarck patrolling the sidelines. Achtung, baby!

For a program as ethical as Michigan's, Honest Abe would be a perfect fit. Plus, he definitely promotes diversity, which is one of the University's silver bullets.

As leader of the Mongols, Ghengis Khan ran the second largest empire in the history of the world. If he were head coach, Khan would unite Michigan's offensive line and make gridiron s across America Michigan's empire. Imagine a bloodthirsty front 5 brutally demolishing defensive lines across the Big 10!

Maybe Fidel's dead. Maybe Fidel's alive. Why are we so confused about his status? Because Castro and his camp are awesome at keeping information private. Most of the world has no idea what goes on inside Cuba. Most of the world has no idea what goes on inside Fort Schembechler. A perfect match! Buenissimo!

Personally, I'd go for Roosevelt. How about you guys? Any other ideas?


Andrew said...

i like ike.

Killing My Liver said...

Ummmm .. Patton ?
Vader ?

Killing My Liver said...

Or the Khan from the Star Trek movie ?

Sgt. Wolverine said...


Oh, and I laughed out loud several times. Thanks for this post.

nichole said...

What about Wolverine, from the X-Men? Obvi he fits b/c of his name, but also he could teach the boys a thing or two about fightin' on the field. Our D would be back up to par in no time!!

whetstonebuck said...

How about Shirley Temple? I'm inspired by the pink dress uniform Yost put up at MZone. What a fit!

Killing My Liver said...

Maybe Khan from Star Trek as HC, Ghengis Khan as DC, and Madeline Khan as OC?
Ok, it was a stretch.

Tristan said...

Vader's a good one for sure, kml. He also is a "Michigan Man". Though he might have trouble acquiring (and not choking) a competant staff.

Killing My Liver said...

Yes, Vader. I cah hear it now:
"I find your lack of "D" disturbing.".


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