Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Rodriguez/WVU Pissing Contest To Continue.

I still have a lot left where this came from!

Today, RichRod offered to pay 1.5 million dollars of his 4 million dollar WVU contract buyout. The intention is that because of this show of good faith, WVU will take the money, call off their dogs, and let RichRod get on with his life at Michigan. The probable result? Ed Pastilong and his one-toothed jug band of lawyers and accountants will tell Rodriguez that he's 2.5 million dollars short and this ridiculous pissing contest will continue.

If this were an actual pissing contest, I think RichRod would surely win. Why, you ask? He would have Barwis train his prostate using the latest scientific methods and transform him into a picture of urinary perfection, capable of both the speed of a sprinter and the endurance of a champion racehorse.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Pryor-itizing The Recruiting Efforts.

While I can't say for certain what Michigan's recruiting staff is up to these days, I have a feeling it looks a little something like this. Don't you?

I wonder what it must be like to be Terrelle Pryor - having every college football fan hanging on your every word, gesture, and article of clothing in hopes to get the inside scoop on where you're going to go. He probably won't have the world at his feet like this for a long time, if ever again - I can see why he's protracting the experience as long as possible.

But man, I hate waiting for this.

Rod Wants To Get A BJ!

So there's this new dude in the picture named BJ Daniels, a dual-threat QB out of Tallahassee, FL. He's 6'1'', 201 pounds and is the #8 ranked dual threat QB on Rivals.

I'd be happy to see this kid in a winged helmet if we can't get Terrelle Pryor. Both will probably announce on signing day, so we're all waiting to know if we get a quarter back who fits RichRod's new system no matter what.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Lion On Your Resume Is Never Good.

Nobody escapes with their dignity! NOBODYYYYYYYY!

I'm a bit late on this, but by know you've heard Scot Loeffler will be coaching Lions' quarterbacks. Sure, the money may have been tempting, and he doesn't have to find a new house and move to a new city. But let's see if he regrets this in about 11 months. I was hoping he'd become an offensive coordinator on a college team - a career path which pays more and usually has more options open. Oh well.

Terrelle Pryor Ridin' Dirty?

Dude, I've been saving since I was ten years old. Honest.

An interesting post about possible recruiting shenanigans involving Terrelle Pryor went up on MGoBlog today. This wouldn't surprise me one bit. Just step into Ohio State's vest for a moment:

They've lost two national championships in a row...lost national respect for their program and the respect for the conference on a regular basis...and now face the prospect of losing the nation's number one recruit to their dreaded rival? That would be too much for them to handle.

Oh, the tangled web we weave when recruiting...

Monday, January 21, 2008

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease Validate Meeeeeee!

I need attention to be happy! Look what I can do! Look at meeeeeeeeeeeee!

Hey, have you heard about the college football blog awards? Hint hint. :)

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Mallett Fumbles Box In Dorm Room Closet; Causes Massive Flood First Week On Campus!

According to today’s edition of the Rivals Radio webcast and this article from WholeHogSports.com, Ryan Mallett has had a rough start to his new life in Ar-Kansas.

Apparently, he was moving into his dorm room, and had a catastrophic accident in his closet involving a box and a sprinkler head. Witnesses saw 4 inches of water running out the door and flooding other parts of the dorm. Water also ran out the windows and soaked other student’s rooms.

Several students saw Mallett arguing with the shelf after the incident, and that Mallett was claiming that the shelf did not put enough effort into catching the box after he threw the box up to be caught.

Oh, Mallett.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Up Close With Rich Rodriguez!

The story has been out for three days and nobody thought of this picture yet? Hellooooooo?!?!?

With all the bad press about the Shredder-Gate floating around, Autumn Thunder is proud to present an interview with Rich Rodriguez with hopes that we will all get to know him better as a person, and not think of him as a cold-hearted football program sabatoging meanie.

CC: Hey thanks for doing this interview!
RR: My pleasure. Just keep it cordial, ok? Make me seem like a nice guy.
CC: You got it. So, what's your favorite Tom Clancy novel?
RR: Easy! The Hunt for Shred October. Oops! Freudian slip there. Don't mind that.
CC: It's all good. What's your favorite Italian dish?
RR: No question there - shred-ucinni Alfredo. Damn! I did it again! I must have something on my mind. Please excuse me.
CC: Think nothing of it. Now then - what is your favorite movie with Julia Roberts?
RR: I loved her in "My Best Friend's Shredding." Wait...DARN! CRAP! What is with me today?
CC: Beats me. Back to the interview, please. I'm quite busy. Who is your favorite horror director?
RR: Al-shred Hitchcock. I mean FRED. Not SHRED. F-R-E-D.
CC: What do you like to put on your nachos?
RR: Jalepeno peppers, red onions, and sharp shredder cheese. Whoops! I DEFINITELY meant cheddar.
CC: Who is your favorite member of Pearl Jam?
RR: Hands down, Eddie Shredder. I should have shred Vedder. I mean said Vedder! D'oh! Sorry, my mind is elsewhere. SHREDDER! SHREDDER! SHREEEEEEEEEDERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
CC: It's ok. Do you want to pick this up another time?
RR: Yeah, I think that's best. We'll talk again soon, I'm sure!
CC: Oh, I'll rest a-shred that we will! Thanks!

See? What a nice guy!

Old Man Winter To Bitchslap Pryor Visit.

Prepare to freeze, beeotch!

It looks like Terrelle Pryor will be seeing Ann Arbor at it's winter worst: this weekend, the temperature range will be from 8 degrees to 26 degrees, plus there is a good chance it will snow. Nice.

Will winter cockblock the Wolverines from landing Pryor? I don't know. He's from Pennsylvania, and being a native of the Keystone State myself I know it can get pretty nasty during the winter.

Although, Pryor's visit couldn't come at a less aesthetically pleasing time, for a variety of reasons.

1) Michigan Stadium is a shambles right now.
2) All the hotties on campus will be covered head to toe in warm clothes.
3) Schembechler Hall's equipment room may not be up to snuff yet with the new machines.

If Terrelle picks Michigan in the end, I don't think we can chalk it up to Ann Arbor's beauty and charm this time around.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

And Just Like That, It Was Over.

So yeah, thanks for all those catches. Enjoy your millions.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Ryan Mallett to Ar-Kansas?

Watch me throw this piggie 80 yards! Yeeeeeeeee-haaaaaaaw!

It looks like Ryan Mallett will be heading to Ar-Kansas next year. How will Mallett stack up against players from America's toughest conference? Only time will tell.

My prediction? 'Snap! Run run run run run run run...SACK/FUMBLEEEEE!'

Just kidding!

Wait...No I'm not.

And That's The Bottom Line, Because Mike Barwis Said So!

Barwis 3:16 Says "If you can't handle it, you're TOO FAT!"

To further expand on a great post that Brian put up today, I can't help notice the similarities between Mike Barwis and Stone Cold Steve Austin. First, take a look at Barwis' high-energy no-nonsense approach he takes to the job.

New Michigan Strength Coach Mike Barwis

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Then, take a look at the intensity and charisma displayed by Stone Cold Steve Austin.

While their strategies for building a better body may be different (Baris's highly scientific approach to strength and speed training vs. Austin's "beer bellies give you a lower center of gravity" theory), it is apparant that these two guys have one major thing in common:

They are both intent on seriously kicking some ass!

Oh, this is going to be awesome.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Welcome Scott Shafer, Defensive Accountant!

Screw the 3-3-5! Put the bastards in the million dollar dream!

Hooray! RichRod has hired a Defensive Coordinator. Welcome, Scott Shafer!

I don't know much about this guy, but as usual, Brian has done the homework.

Here's a list of things I think Scott Shafer looks like:

1) IRS, the villain wrestler from old-school WWF wrestling.
2) A sneaky defense attorney.
3) A slightly balding version of Tom Arnold.
4) Mr. Ernst from the old Nickelodeon TV show 'Hey Dude!'

Ah, already the material presents itself. And for that reason alone, I say "good hire, RichRod!"

Thursday, January 10, 2008

What Makes A Michigan Man?

I will forgo the usual crappy artwork tonight to discuss something that might have been on your mind today.

Were you taken aback when Ryan Mallett called himself a Michigan Man? Personally, I found his claim to be unwarranted.

The term "Michigan Man" has been become somewhat of a cliche this year. "Michigan Man" became the phrase du jour during the Harbaugh scandal, and since then, anyone who's anyone seems to want to bestow the term upon themself.

Sure, while Mallett was here, he showed hints of the success he could have had at Michigan, and made positive contributions to the football team on a number of occasions. One can argue that Mallett, even though enrolled for only one and a half years, was a more prominent "Man in Michigan" than the majority of the students and faculty who have been at Michigan for many years.

So this leads me to ask a more important question: "What exactly is a Michigan Man?"

In my opinion, a Michigan Man is one of two things: a person who has graduated from Michigan, or a distinguished non-graduate who has served the University for a substantial period of time and has been been awarded the title by his peers. Mallett is certainly not the former, and I would be hard-pressed to say he's the latter.

Ryan Mallett is a talented man. A confident man. A tall man. But a Michigan Man? That's pushing it.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Reel Him In! Reel Him In!

Look at this lunker! Going above the mantle for sure!

Now that Ryan Mallett has decided to transfer, the stage is set for Terrelle Pryor to come to Michigan.

Good luck to Ryan Mallett. The chips didn't fall his way here - but he'll surely be successful wherever he goes.


Monday, January 7, 2008

Yes, It Was Just Like That.

Bow down to the hat!

It's 7 minutes to go in the third and the game is far from over, but I know where this one is going.

Damn you, SEC speed!

Not That There's Anything Wrong With That!

A man touched it and it moved! What does that mean!?!?

The University of Michigan may be offering the gayest college course ever - literally. English 317 section 2 is titled "How to be Gay." My girlfriend happened to stumble upon this when she was visiting the Perez Hilton site.

I knew Michigan is a liberal place, but wow!

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Stork To Eject?

"Read option bogeys on my six! I can't shake 'em! Oh noooooooooooooooo!"

According to Lloyd, Ryan Mallett has made his decision whether he will leave the Wolverines or stay for his first season under RichRod. Will Stork eject or will he try to use evasive maneuvers to avoid the bench?

My gut says Mallett is gonna reach for the ejector seat handles and punch out. A shame...he has so much potential.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Nice Guys Don't Always Finish Last.

"Accept the challenge so you can feel the exhilaration of victory."

- George Patton

Well met, Lloyd Carr. Well met, indeed.

Like Waiting For A Spanking.

I am not ashamed or regretful to admit that I was occasionally spanked as a child. As a matter of fact, I'm glad my Dad did it - it probably knocked a lot of sense into me.

Waiting for this game is a lot like waiting for one of those ass-stinging experiences. Hearing that Michigan had to play Florida was like being sent to my room - I knew something bad was on the way. Then Tebow won the Heisman. That was like hearing Dad come up the steps, and I just mentally prepared myself for the unpleasantless I knew was ahead of me.

Today, I'm going to go to the bar, pull down my pants, and take it like a man. Many of you will, too. At least we're all in this together.


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