Thursday, May 31, 2007

Lord of the 'Rines!

Allllllllllllllrighty Autumn Thunder fans, I'm going for something different here. I don't know if this has been done before. If it has, here it is again, this time with crappier artwork. A-hem....


Gandalf: Lloyd Carr.

Like Gandalf, Lloyd is old, cranky, and venerable. He is wise, but not infallible. Lloyd and Gandalf are set in their ways and is unlikely to change. They have led the forces of good through many battles. Seemingly resurrected (Lloyd the White) with an 11-2 season after being left for dead after a 7-5 season (Lloyd the Grey), he is on a quest culminating with one last battle (2007 Championship) before he heads into the West (retirement.)

Aragorn: Chad Henne

Like Aragorn, Chad Henne was born destined to lead. However, they both are late bloomers and do not seem to fully develop their leadership skills until the end of their respective journeys. Aragorn takes command from Gandalf, but remains largely independent in battle. His closest compatriot is Legolas, with whom he forms one of the most effective duos to ever grace a battlefield. If Henne can overcome the opposition in his final battles as did Aragorn, he is destined to become King (of the quarterbacks in the 2008 NFL draft). On a side note, both Henne and Viggo Mortensen have ginormous butt-chins. Coincidence?

Legolas: Mario Manningham

Legolas and Mario Manningham both possess lightning-quick speed and uncanny grace while in battle. Manningham, like Legolas, is not a leader, but is near the top of the ranks and influences those who fight alongside him. Both Legolas and Manningham are feared warriors whose names are known throughout the land and whose tales are told in ballads and on SportsCenter, respectively.

Gimli: Justin Boren

Justin Boren is relatively new to the group in terms of playing time and has will eventually learn to function with Henne, just as Gimli met Aragorn and the two adapted to each other. While physical size is not a common factor between Gimli and Boren, they are both aggressive, fearless, and throw themselves in front of danger for their leader. This year, "we'll see what one center can do!"

Frodo: Mike Hart

Who else will carry the burden? As Frodo was the heart of the Fellowship, Hart is the heart (couldn't resist!) of the Michigan football team. He constantly takes the most difficult path to success (through linebackers!) and is on a seemingly never ending quest to get a small object (football) to a destination far away (the end zone). Success of the Fellowship's mission rests in Frodo's hands, and one would be hard-pressed to argue against the fact that the success of the 2007 Wolverines lie in Hart's.

Sam: Jake Long

Where would Frodo be without his Sam? Jake Long is a major key to Hart's success, just as Sam was Frodo's main support system. Would Hart be able to gain nearly 100 yards a game if Long weren't dominating the left side of the offensive line? Would Frodo have made it up Mount Doom if Sam wasn't there to carry him? In both cases, the answer is a resounding "no."

Merry and Pippin: Carlos Brown and Kevin Grady

Merry and Pippin are secondary characters to Frodo and Sam. Likewise, Brown and Grady are secondary characters to Hart and Long. These two are fun to watch at times - but let's face it. They don't really do too much and spend most of their time fumbling around.

Boromir: Adrian Arrington

Like Boromir, Adrian Arrington was known for his assertiveness, competency and led by example on the field. Unfortunately, while blessed with many physical gifts, both Arrington and Boromir were cursed a lack of self control and good judgement which led to their ultimate destruction.

Faramir: Greg Matthews

Faramir played second fiddle to Boromir, as Matthews played backup to Arrington last year. Now, with Arrington seemingly out of the picture, can Matthews step up and fulfill his destiny? Like Faramir, Matthews just needs opportunity to "show his quality."

Sauron: Ohio State

Like Sauron, Ohio State is the source of all evil, hatred, and decay in the world. A constant source of peril for all who encounter it, Ohio State is the scourge of the Midwest just as Sauron was the bane of Middle Earth.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Sparty Gets New Uniforms!

Brian Hoyer and two other schmoes nobody will ever know show off the new look.

It was announced on May 26 that Sparty would be sporting a new look for the 2007 season. "Wow, the new uniforms are so light and airy!" said future Spartan quarterback Brian Hoyer. "I feel so manly and intimidating - I can't wait to put it in for game day!"

When asked about the lack of pads or helmets being a problem, new coach Mark Dantonio replied "Excuse me, but can you tackle someone when they're leaping through midair in the middle of a
brisé? I don't think so. These uniforms are virtually injury proof and our boys will be just fine!"

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Zoltan Mesko: Marine Biologist.

I tell you, Coach! That day, I was a marine biologist!!!

Memorial Day is often spent at the beach with one's family. Such was the case with the Mesko family, celebrating Memorial day in traditional Romanian fashion as they frolicked in the sand and waves and enjoyed the abundant sunshine. But this Memorial Day, Michigan punter Zoltan Mesko created a memory which will last a lifetime.

"I was just walking down the beach, and then I saw this enormous beached whale! I tell you, he had to be ten stories high if he was a foot.
For some reason, the whale had a hot dog stuck in its mouth and it appeared to be choking! It was a sight to behold - such a magnificent creature crippled on death's door because of a simple hot dog. I swear to God, the whale could almost talk. I thought I could hear it screaming 'helllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllp meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!' through the hot dog clogging its mouth. I heard whales are amazing communicators and are incredibly smart, but this is beyond belief."

"The sea was angry that day, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. But I made my way towards the great fish. An incredible calm came over me. I don't know if it was divine intervention, or the kinship of all living things, but I tell you, that day I wasn't a punter - I was a marine biologist! So I rolled up my sleeves, reached in, and pulled out the obstruction!"

After the hot dog was removed, Zoltan recalls the whale groaned and rolled its massive body back into the water, not to be seen for the rest of the day.

Truly incredible. Autumn Thunder salutes your bravery, Zoltan Mesko!

Monday, May 28, 2007

On A Personal Note...

Hellz Yeah.

The Cowbell Commander is alive and shall return to regularly scheduled posting tomorrow. Today, he celebrates! Happy Memorial Day.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Cowbell Commander Attempts Fitness!

Believe it or not, I will be attempting my first half-marathon with my girlfriend on Sunday in Boston. If I return alive, regular posting shall resume on Tuesday - as Monday will probably be spent in a quasi-paralytic world o' pain and misery. 13.1 miles will officially be the furthest I've ever run. When I get tired, and think about quitting, I'll think - W.W.M.H.D.?

I'll (hopefully) Be back soon!

The Cowbell Commander

Friday, May 25, 2007

Carr Announces Retirement; Future As Pirate King!


Autumn Thunder is excited, yet saddened to bring you the first news of Lloyd Carr's pending retirement after the 2007 season. In a private press conference, Carr approached the media with his usual class and dignity that has become his trademark while at Michigan.

"These 12 years with Michigan have been some of the greatest years in my life. Making the decision to leave was incredibly difficult and I had to consider many things. But eventually, I came to realize that this was the right time to step down and allow the program to transition to a new era."

Then, unexpectedly, Carr reached into his blazer's breast pocket, pulled out an eyepatch, and put it on.

Carr exclaimed, "Aye! And now that I be leavin' football, I'm gon' ta try me hand at somethin' new - piratin'! And why not? Me haves the perfect pirate name...CARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

Everyone at the press conference was shocked and speechless.

Carr continued. "Avast! Me've assembled the finest pirate crew of Michigan players a coach could hope for. Mike HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARt! LamARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR Woodley! ChARRRRRRRRRRRRles Woodson. Jim HARRRRRRRRRRRRRbaugh! John NavARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRe! MARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRio Manningham! And last, but not least, Adrian ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRington and CARRRRRRRRRRRRRRson Butler. Those two be always meant to pillage and plunder!"

When asked what his future plans were as a pirate king, Carr responded "I'm gon' ta sail around the coast to California, and then wage war on me enemy Slippery Pete CARRRRRRRRRRRol! I will haves me revenge! YARR!"

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Robert Goulet Named New Director of Michigan Marching Band!


After the Rose Bowl, Jamie Nix announced his departure from The Michigan Marching band family. Many fans of the band will be sad to see him leave after an excellent tenure leading the band across the field and in the stands. For a while, it appeared that Scott Boerma would be the new director. However, tonight the Regents decided to go in a different direction and announced a surprising choice - one of America's most beloved lounge singers: Robert Goulet.

"I really think I'll be a good fit here," smarmed Goulet in a silky-smooth baritone. "I'm going to take this band in a new direction. Sequins! Sparkles! GOOOOOULET! I've been working with a special lady named Las Vegas for the last twenty years, and believe you me, she's taught me a thing or two about entertainment."

Goulet made it clear that there would be some changes in the band's standard repertoire. "Sure, this band can blast, but can it croon? BA-BA DEEEEEEEE, BA-BA DOOOOOOOO! Get ready, Michigan fans. This old dog has some new tricks for this bunch of fine young marching rapscallions."

"First of all, I'm going to revamp that Hawiian War Chant song. It's just too unromantic! How are you supposed to hum that little number into your lover's ear over a candlelight dinner? You can't, I tell you! When I'm done spicing up that tune and the band plays the new version, all the ladies in the stadium will swoon and all the men will drip with machismo. SHE-BOP SHE-BANG SHE-BOOP BOOP BOOGIE! GOOOOOOULET!"

Hawaiian War Chant was not the only Michigan tradition facing change. "'Temptation', you ask? Why yes, I'm going to stop the band from playing that one all together and replace it with a zippy little diddy called "How Much Is That Doggie In the Window?" It's much much more appealing to the senior citizen crowd. Believe me, Goulet knows. I played for the blue-hairs almost exclusively in Sin City. Just think of all the cute hand motions those cheerleaders could do. BOW-WOW ZAPOWIE DIBITY BOP-BOP-BOP! GOOOOOULET!"

Look for Goulet to lead the band this coming season. That is of course, unless the Regents change their minds and decide to go with Boerma after all.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Arrington to Star in New Video Game: Grand Theft Auto - Ann Arbor!

Arrington Helps Someone Out of Their Car. How Sweet!

Adrian Arrington may not make it into NCAA 08 due to his indefinite suspension from the team, but today Rockstar Games announced that Arrington will be the lead character in "Grand Theft Auto - Ann Arbor."

"I've always wanted to do a GTA in Ann Arbor ever since I graduated from Michigan," said Mike Maloney, one of Rockstar's lead game designers. "There's so much to do in this town and I've tried to incorporate it into the gaming experience. In the game, you can steal the harmonica from the professor in the Diag and beat him with it, park illegally on the street and see how many unpaid tickets you can pile up from the A2 Police, and lay the smack down on all those stupid self-righteous political student groups handing out flyers all over the place."

"I was really lucky to work with Adrian Arrington, one of Ann Arbor's most well known miscreants on this project. I learned so much about delinquency I think this game will raise the standard for the GTA series. Adrian actually showed us how to make the animations of throwing people out of cars more realistic - I thought we had this down from the first three games! Boy was I wrong."

Arrington was excited about the upcoming game. "In the game, you get to make me do all the things Coach Carr suspends me indefinitely for and I won't get punished," Arrington smirked. "Trust me - if you really want to live the Adrian Arrington experience, you've got to check this out."

Rest assured, the Cowbell Commander will be first in line for this masterpiece in the making.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Bill Martin Announces Final Two Games of 2008 Schedule!

You know what time it is. Time for weak opponents. Yeah Booooy!

Just when you thought Big Billy Dollaz was gonna tone things down and start 'keepin' it real,' he fronts on you something fierce. First, Martin scheduled Toledo to fill the open game on October 11, 2008.

But Dollaz didn't stop there. Dollaz made the August 30, 2008 opening opponent a guaranteed gimme: Mr. Jingles the kitty cat.

Michigan will definitely beat Mr. Jingles. He looks like such a pussy!

If Mr. Jingles should not be able to make it to Ann Arbor, Dollaz also is working on a possible September 20th game against the St. Mary's Nunnery recreational football team as a contingency.

Chances Michigan Will Lose? Slim to Nun.

Keep checking Autumn Thunder for more updates on what Big Billy Dollaz is up to. In the meanwhile, just grimace and scowl with the Cowbell Commander as you think about paying for your season tickets next year.

All Time Legendary Coach Oberon Beer Drinking Contest: Who Would Win?!?!

Left To Right: Elliott, Oosterbaan, Crisler, Schembechler, Moeller, Yost, Carr.

Michigan coaches are manly men. Manly men drink massive amounts of beer. As the Cowbell Commander (a manly man himself!) drank a tasty Oberon tonight, the question was raised:

Which legendary Michigan coach could drink the most Oberon?

Lloyd Carr: Would drink with intensity and class. Always a respectful competitor who always brings it on. If Lloyd is drinking a 40, he might not do as well, as he sometimes chokes during the big ones.

Gary Moeller: Drinks in short amounts, usually a strong finisher. Four bowl victories in five years!

Bo Schembechler: The General. Commanded his brews like he commanded his teams during his coaching tenure.

Bump Elliott: Cool frat-boy name. He can probably pound the suds with the best of them based on that observation alone.

Bennie Oosterbaan: A gentle man who would do well with a gentle ale. A perfect pairing and Bennie would do well in this contest.

Fritz Crisler: One tough SOB who could scare the cap off a bottle just by giving it a nasty look

Fielding Yost: Drank back in the days where beer was heartier, manlier, and more potent. He could probably suck down Oberons like water.

Yes, we left Kipke out. But he's just not legendary enough to drink with the big boys.

Autumn Thunder wants to know - who do YOU think would win?!? Please vote in the poll!

Thanks Dave!

Monday, May 21, 2007

Hart Saves Baby Orphans From OSU Ninja Death Squad!

Today seemed like just another ordinary day for Mike Hart. He was on his way out of the UM hospital after doing his usual weekly round of community service - meeting with the sick, cheering up the patients, and basically spreading joy and merriment wherever he went. Then, Hart heard the distressed cries of babies coming from the UM Hospital's Orphan Wing like a shrill alarm sounding danger.

Hart, who was already in his karate outfit because he was heading to train with Grady and Mr. Miyagi, immediately ran over to the Orphan Wing to find the cause of the disturbance. It was there where Hart discovered a three-man OSU Ninja death squad who had intentions of kidnapping and killing these defenseless babies.

"I wasn't really ready for this," said Hart. "But I had to take these OSU ninjas down or these babies would be sold for parts on the black market. There was no way those ninjas were going to get by me with those babies!"

It has long been rumored that OSU had been stealing babies and selling their fresh virginal organs for profit in order to keep the pockets of their players lined with cash, therefor preventing their immoral and greedy players from taking kickbacks from their jobs or from boosters and losing eligibility. This dastardly trio proved these allegations to be true.

Thankfully, Hart made quick work of the Ninjas. In a fashion that would have Chuck Norris, Bruce Lee, and Jean-Claude Van Damme green with envy, Hart disposed of the ninjas with style and a smile before he gently returned the baby orphans to safety and individually rocked them all to sleep. The ninjas were arrested by the Ann Arbor Police and are being held for questioning until further notice.

Once again, Mike Hart emerges the hero. Is there any limit to what he can do? Is there an end to his generosity, selflessness, or all-around general awesomeness? We here at Autumn Thunder know the answer to that question - and so do the orphans sleeping soundly in their cribs thanks to one special tailback.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

MGoBlog Wins Autumn Thunder's First Golden Ufer!

If only the award came with a million dollar scholarship...

Congratulations to Brian @ MGoBlog on winning Autumn Thunder's first "Golden Ufer" award for Meeechigan Football Blogging Excellence. Autumn Thunder's readers voted MGoBlog their "#1 Go To Blogger" for their daily updates on the Wolverines.

Autumn Thunder salutes you, Brian. Your research, journalism, statistical analysis, and wit are the saving grace of people in cubicles and dorm rooms across the Maize and Blue nation. You raise the bar for us here at Autumn Thunder, where we usually just settle for making shit up and doing marginally OK Photoshop work. Cheers!

Friday, May 18, 2007

Manningham, Long Enjoy Their Playboy All-American Experience.

"Ladies, wanna see something super?"

This week, Mario Manningham and Jake Long were announced as selections for the 2007 Playboy All American Football Team. Aside from the prestige of being selected for this honor, Manningham and Long took home fond memories of their photo shoot for the magazine.

"I definitely had a good time at the Playboy shoot -the girls who helped out were," winked Manningham.

Jake Long was still in a state of awe, not completely done processing the experience. When asked how he enjoyed the photo shoot, Long stared for a while, and after a minute, declared "booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooobieeeeeeeeeeeeeees!" with a wondrous expression.

Jake, Heff, and the "not so little brown jugs."

Hopefully Long will recover within a few days. Autumn Thunder salutes you, Jake and Mario. Congratulations!

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Henne Shatters Michigan Quarterback Record!

Around The clock: Griese, Harbaugh, Henson, Grbac, Collins, Navarre, Brady, Dreisbach.

Chad Henne hasn't played his Senior season yet - but according to the statisticians here at Autumn Thunder, he has officially broken a longstanding Michigan football record - BIGGEST CHIN EVER ON A MICHIGAN QUARTERBACK!

Henne's massive cleft truly is a sight to behold. When told of his accomplishment, Henne beamed with exuberance. "Well, I'm definitely honored. When I'm feeling down and out, I'll just remember that I have the biggest chin ever on a Michigan QB, and possibly the biggest chin ever in the history of college football! You know, having a chin this big is a blessing and a curse. When people tell me to keep my chin up when the game gets tough, I'm like, 'Dude, do you know how heavy this bad boy is?' But then again, when we're in a really hot stadium, I'm always happy to give the guys some shade and keep them cool under my massive lower jaw."

To really appreciate the majesty of Chad's chin, please compare it to other marvels of the modern world.

We here at Autumn Thunder say: DAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMN!

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Cancun Commander!

The Cowbell Commander is taking a vacation! I'll be back in a week - please check back after my hiatus for the latest and greatest news surrounding our beloved Wolverines.

Go Blue(berry margarita!)


The Cowbell Commander

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Will Michigan Fans Ever Really Forgive Harbaugh?

When Jim Harbaugh went on the Dr. Phil show to apologize to fans of the Maize and Blue for saying the Michigan football program accepts marginal students and funnels them through easy majors, there were mixed reactions.

"I forgive Jim," said Michigan Superfan I. "But at the same time, I'll always remember he said it. Would I ever want him to coach the Wolverines in the future? I don't know. I just don't know."

"There is power in forgiveness," encouraged Dr. Phil. "We can release the anger. We can move on. If we let one thing from the past determine a large part of our future, then maybe the problem is with us."

"I was wrong to say what I did," admitted Harbaugh. "I just was trying to talk up Stanford but it came out all wrong. I love Michigan and hope the fans can look past this stupid slip up."

Dr. Phil gave Harbaugh a copy of "Retracting Statements for Coaches," a book he has written for NCAA football coaches. "This book can really get a guy out of a jam," explained Dr. Phil. "Imagine if John L. Smith had this last year!"

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

NEW FEATURE! "The Golden Ufer" Blog Awards.

Michigan blog fans, Autumn Thunder is proud and honored to present the newest, and possibly most meaningless blog award in the Michigan football blogosphere:


Bob Ufer represented the epitome of passionate communication about Meeechigan football. This is how we here at Autumn Thunder pay tribute to those who inspire us, and award those who constantly provide us with outstanding reading material.

If you are a blogger who wins a Golden Ufer, I hope you know that you have not only garnered the highest of props from the Cowbell Commander, but the Michigan blog community voted you to win. Congrats!

This week: The "Braylon" Award. Which Michigan blog is your first "Go To" guy? Who do you read first when you have that Michigan blog craving? If you get one read per day, who do you want to read? Vote now - the polls close one week from tonight.

Grady Training Hard For Comeback With New Mentor.

When Kevin Grady went down in spring practice with a torn ACL, many shuddered with fear due to the lack of depth at halfback. Not to worry - Grady is expected to make a fully recovery by September. Some expect the once-fumble-prone junior to be nigh-invincible due to the training by his new mentor, Mr. Miyagi.

"Yeah man, this Miyagi stuff is CRAZY!" exclaimed Grady. "When I first met him, he closed his eyes, grunted, slapped his palms together, and started to rub his hands together really fast. Then, he slapped his paws on my ACL and pressed on it. I'll be damned if I wasn't cured instantly! I can run a 4.3 40 now. Brandon Minor who?"

Grady has been working with Miyagi for nearly a month now, and while the methods are a bit unorthodox, the results are coming.

Miyagi recalls their first training sessions. "Hai! I say to Kevin-San..."you no carry ball on field until you catch option pass with chopstick! He no like idea for long time - but now he has touch delicate like lotus blossom and strong like fierce tiger! "

"I'm really seein' some good developments, man." Confidently remarked Grady. "How can you not believe in this dude? Did you see how he taught Daniel-San to put a whoopin' on that mullet-kid from the Cobra Kai dojo? Hells yeah! Yo, with some time, effort, and good montage music, I'll be back better than ever."

Sunday, May 6, 2007

Tressel Gets Fab Five Makeover!

Autumn Thunder is thrilled to be the first college football blog to report Jim Tressel's stunning new look for the 2007 season. After nearly a decade of patrolling the OSU sidelines in a sweater vest, Tressel is taking his wardrobe to new heights courtesy of the Fab Five from the smash TV series "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy." What do we here at Autumn Thunder think? FAB-U-LOUS!

"Well, that sweater vest was just so BLAH!" said Queer Eye fashion guru Carson Kressly. "Instead of that vest, I put him in a delightful rose colored suit complete with a snazzy tie and a precious matching handkerchief. The color is close to Scarlet, but not as ugly. Coach T's new look will say, "Hey Mister, I mean business! I'm gonna score some serious homeruns on you!" But at the same time, it says "Maybe we can all go out for a mani-pedis after the game! Yay!" I think this will go over big with the fans."

Kyan Douglas, Queer Eye's grooming expert, said "The coach always had a turtle-esque" look, but I gave him a tan and put a little swoop in his hair. Even if he doesn't score a single point this year, he'll still be first in the BCS rankings - and by BCS, I mean 'Being Crazy Sexy!' "

Will Tressel's new look fly in 2007? Autumn Thunder invites you to judge for yourself.

Saturday, May 5, 2007

OSU Fan of the Week!

In the second installment of our glimpse into Buckeye society, Autumn Thunder is proud to introduce you to four lovely OSU fans.

Names: Rudy Ray Ratcliffe, Loo Ann Ratcliffe, Tressel Ratcliffe (on the way!) and Woofey Hayes the smell-hound.

Location: Mobile!

Hobbies: Shooting squirrels, spitting off the freeway ramp.

Age: 33 (Rudy Ray) 20 (Loo Ann) -2 months (Tressel) 30 (Woofey)

Occupations: Swinemaster (Rudy Ray) Yungin' Fact'ry (Loo Ann) Future DMV Line Attendant (Tressel) Dog (Woofey).

Why They're Buckeye Fans: "We likes the Buckeyes 'cause they's the most popular team at alls the AA meetin's round Ohio!"

Aren't they charming? Stay tuned to Autumn Thunder for next week's sneak peak into the land of the Buckeyes!

English's 2007 "Cutting Edge" Defensive Strategy Unveiled!

After watching the secondary get burned in big games against Ohio State and USC, Ron English sat down and reformulated his defensive strategy for the 2007 season.

"Well, Lloyd told me we had to cut down on the balls going over our heads, and we need to attack the quarterback more efficiently. I mean, we could recruit harder, practice more intensely, or upgrade the playbook, but I really think that giving our defense chainsaws is the fastest way to see results next year. When you see our guys next fall, you'll say it's the greatest thing you ever...saw!" (Oh Ron!)

Will the NCAA bigwigs allow Michigan defenders to carry these deadly power tools onto the field? "We'll see what the rules committee says," remarked English. "They've certainly agreed to other crazy rules within the last few years. Remember that one about starting the playclock right on the kickoff, or the one where they shorten the kicking tee, or how we're now kicking off from the 25 yard line instead of the 30? If they want to shorten the game and add more action, my chainsaw idea is right up their alley!" Said the coach while grinning proudly.

"If this works, I think we're really in the title hunt for next year," said English with a hopeful exuberance. "This will make defense so easy, maybe we could have kept Mundy around. Wait...nah."

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

President Speaks at "Million Man-ningham March" In Support of Receiver's Freedom!

Today, a sea of Maize and Blue descended upon the United States capital in protest of the treatment of Mario Manningham. The "Million Man-ningham March" was the unprecedented single-greatest act of solidarity among a college sports fan base. George Bush, President of the United States, addressed the crowd and showed his support for Manningham's freedom.

"My fellow 'mericans! We must standify together and face this terrible crisis as one. Today, I have officially added the Michigan State police into the Axis of Evil. In case you were wonderin', I put them way ahead of Iraq on the Axis, and now they're ranked second, just behind that dog in Duck Hunt who laughs at me each time those tricky ducks get away. Hear-illate these words, 'merica! We will not rest until Mr. Manningham's innocence rings from across the mountaintops of our great land. You say that '86 equals number 1'. We should now say that '86 equals freedom!'"

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Sir Elton John, Mike Hart to Open "Save Manningham" Benefit Concert!

When international recording superstar Elton John caught wind of the Mario Manningham drug scandal, he was shocked, appalled, and motivated to act against the grave injustice brought upon Michigan's finest reciever.

"Seriously darling, I've done benefit concerts ever since I was a young lad, and the Save Manningham concert is my most important gig to date. I've sung for every charitable cause from starving African children to obese American children, but no cause has touched my heart like this one has. The framing of Mario Manningham is one of the worst tragedies I've ever witnessed, and I intend to sing some over-dramatic, yet catchy songs to show my support for this wonderful young man," said Sir Elton.

The Save Manningham concert will feature premier acts including, but not limited to U2, Aerosmith, The Police, and The Dave Matthews Band. Opening the Save Manningham concert with Elton John will be extra-special guest Mike Hart. The two will begin the concert with "Like A Vicoden In The Wind," an adaptation of one of Sir Elton's greatest hits.

Look for upcoming details of the Save Manningham benefit concert right here on Autumn Thunder!

Manningham Framed for Drug Possession by Corrupt Michigan State Po-Po!

Today we received the troubling news that Mario Manningham was framed for possession of an illegal substance by a corrupt Michigan State police officer. Currently, there are no charges filed against Manningham, and will be none filed until the necessary drug tests are performed.

The only substances they will find in Manningham's blood are super awesome Sparty-burning DNA chromosomes. We here at Autumn Thunder are outraged and will immediately start to protest the East Lansing City Hall with picket signs, tambourines, and a drum circle of at least 4 hippies from the Diag.

Stay tuned to Autumn Thunder for updates on Mariajuanavicoden-gate.


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