When looking at the forty-four inch guns on Sparty the Spartan, one can't help but think that he has a little extra "help" with maintaining his physique. This week, a bipartisan committee has confirmed that Sparty does indeed take anabolic steroids to enhance his performance as Michigan State's mascot.
"I know it's wrong," sobbed Sparty, "but I just can't help myself."
"I'm the only highly rated part of Michigan State athletics. Football is a joke, we haven't been a force on the court lately - but I'm always in contention for the mascot of the year! They needed me, dammit! THEY NEEDED ME! MAKE PLAYS!"
"It's such a bummer to hear this," said the Nittany Lion. "He's not only shaming his university, which was shameful to begin with - but he's giving a bad name to all the ridiculously over-muscular mascots out there who try really hard to keep fans happy and lift their team's spirits. It's a sad day out there for all of us."