It's been no secret that many people have been unsatisfied with Bill Martin's somewhat lackadaisical efforts to renovate the badly aging Crisler Arena. For years, Martin has sidestepped the facility in order to work on other higher-profile projects such as Michigan Stadium's luxury boxes or the new football practice facility. But it appears that Martin has finally come to terms with the griping basketball fans and has a plan to renovate the building.
"Yo Yo Yo! Big Billy Dollaz is gonna REP-RE-SENT for Crisler Arena!" said Martin. "My peeps are saying that The Crise' is lookin' like a dankity-dank basement. Well I'm all over that. I'm going to take care of this singlehandly. Just Dollaz and his blood, sweat, and tears. I don't need any whack construction crews messing up my plans."
"I'm gonna make Crisler have a real collegiate feel to it. And by collegiate, I mean like a pimped-out collegiate dorm room. Roll with me on this. First of all, I'm gonna get rid of all the overhead lighting and replace it with a lava lamp. Shizzle! Can you imagine how sweet it will be to hoop it up under some pyschadelic mood lighting? But it will only be one lava lamp, because I need to save money for my other ideas."
"I'm also gonna hang up some fly-ass Christmas lights. You know how some well-placed Christmas lights can really get the good viiiiibes going! I'm gonna go all out on these babies and spare no expense. I'ma get the ones that twinkle, do the chase, and gradually dim in and out. Awwwwwwwww yeah. Can you see where I'm going with this? Combine the Christmas lights with the lava lamp, and I guarantee there will be lots of scoring in Crisler. This technique works wonders in frat houses, so I don't see any reason this classic combo can't bring magic to the court."
"I'm also gonna hang up some posters. You know, a few dorm-room classics. A beer poster here, a Three Stooges golfing poster there, an Animal House "College" poster on the ceiling held up with sticky tack, and I'll sprinkle around some various posters of hot women in skimpy outfits for good measure. Big Billy Dollaz will not let anyone down with the decor. What Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!"
The Cowbell Commander personally can't wait for these renovations to take place. The new look of Crisler Arena combined with Belein's new b-ball system is a guaranteed winner.