Today, Kevin White, AD at Notre Dame, recalled thousands of Weisagotchi toys. These electronic gadgets, modeled after the Tomagotchi craze of the late 90's, enable college football fans to own their own personal electronic version of Charlie Weis.
"Wooooooooooooord up!" said K-Money. "I needed to make some quick cash because our ticket sales were declining and all of our endorsements were falling through. 0-5 doesn't lend itself well to making cheddar, dig me? These Weisagotchi gizmos were supposed to be all that and a bag of chips. But really, they're makin' my peoples ill. I'm not talking about that good kind of ill that my hip hop homies are. I mean physically ill. Like gettin hospitlized ill."
Thousands of Weisagotchi users were checking into hospitals due to extreme wrist pain. Why? Because in order to keep their Weisagotchis alive, users had to feed their Weisagotchi an average of 15 hot dogs a minute (only half of what the actual Charlie Weis eats). If the Weisagotchi was not fed enough, it would start to throw a temper tantrum, and revert to the toy's "press conference mode" where the Weisagotchi would get really defensive and say how great it was. The only way to get the Weisagotchi out of this defensive setting was to repeatedly press the "stroke ego" button for hours on end.
Several users who were not injured complained that their Weisagotchi died shortly after purchase. Apparantly, they tried to exercise it and it expired instantly.