Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Clausen Out - RoboJesus In As Starting Irish QB.

Hasta La Vista, Jimmy.

In an unforeseen turn of events, Jimmy Clausen has been passed over as the starting quarterback for the Notre Dame Fighting Irish. In a press conference today, Charlie Weis unveiled one of the most disturbing mechanical engineering projects to ever come out of Notre Dame - ROBOJESUS.

RoboJesus is 6'4'' and is 400 pounds of solid titanium, so forget about trying to sack him. He's been programmed with every offensive football play ever known to man and can scan defenses with radar for weaknesses in the coverage. RoboJesus also has lazer beam eyes which shoot beams so powerful they can incinerate a human body on contact. Be afraid of RoboJesus. Be very, very afraid.

Weis remarked,"Clausen is a talented kid. Don't get me wrong. But seriously - he can't even hold RoboJesus's jock. Clausen will make a perfectly fine backup quarterback, and an excellent hot-dog caddy for yours truly on the sideline. We'll sometimes have to take RoboJesus in for maintenance between plays, so Jimmy might get a throw or two in every game."

Luckilly, Michigan's far superior mechanical engineering department has known about RoboJesus for months and has developed the ultimate counter-weapon - RoboBranch!

I know why it is you cry. Me, motherfucker.

Look for the clash of the titans early this September! The Cowbell Commander can't wait.


Jim Harbaugh Scramble said...

charlie wies and hot dog references pure gold.


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