In the first post I admitted to being really crappy at HTML. That still holds true. I've tried to make some site changes myself, and after a week, I give up. I'm turning to professional help. The makeover will happen soon though, and it will be awesome.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Sam McGuffie is injured! If football didn't start tomorrow I'd be in a heap on the floor crying. Goddammit, this just isn't fair for the guy. He has his whole season ahead of him and he gets injured the first game.
Get well Sam! Autumn Thunder sends you the best of vibes for your recovery.
Labels: Sam McGuffie
God, I can't even begin to count. It's no secret that I hold Mike Hart on a pedestal. We all do, don't we? Maybe because of this undying adoration for Hart, I have glanced over one of the finest players to ever come through the tunnel in Michigan Stadium on a Saturday afternoon. One of the worst things we can do in life is not appreciate the gifts we are given. Chad Henne is a silent, deadly, big-chinned gift - and when he leaves us, there will be a void that is extremely tough to fill, even though we do have a giant Texan waiting in the wings.
For the last three years, I took comfort in knowing that Henne was at the helm of the offense. I had confidence that he wouldn't blow a big game, and that he was a talented guy who would leave his blood and guts on the field for us week in and week out. Was I happy to have Henne as "my" quarterback? Damn right I was. As long as he could hand the ball off to Hart. Or throw a bomb to Braylon. Or loft a perfect strike into the hands of Super Mario.
I just wanted Henne to make other people good, and I realize how selfish that is now. I never wanted Henne to scramble for the first down - I always cheered for Hart to get the glory. I never wished for Henne to throw a magnificent rainbow pass 30 yards downfield with a perfect touch - I wished for Braylon to make a miracle catch while doing 6 backflips and thinking about which charity he would donate to all at the same time. A few weeks ago I realized that I was subconsciously using Chad Henne's amazing talent as a tool to be happy as a Michigan fan - but Chad was never the reason for my happiness. I think that will change this year.
There's something different about Chad lately. He seems a little cockier. A little more sure of himself. How Henne got his groove? I don't know. I don't really care, either. I'm just glad to see the swing in his step again. Maybe it's the new 'do. Maybe it's the three-day stubble he's always wearing, which makes you think he's up all night studying playbooks, watching film, and going days without even a thought of leaving the athletic campus. Perhaps it's that grin in his eyes we see in all the media day pictures which seems to say "This is my year. This is my team. This year, I'm going to give you what you've all been waiting for."
I'll be rooting for you tomorrow, Chad. Mayber it's too little too late - but it's better late than never.
Labels: Chad Henne
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Life certainly has been crazy this week. Between a hectic time at work, trips to the vet to get Mikey and Woodson fixed, and other things which make life zany, I've been bad about posting. My apologies.
I'm also taking this week to revamp the site before the season starts. By kickoff time on Saturday, Autumn Thunder will have a fresh face and will be more functional than ever. Thanks for your patience.
Labels: life sucks
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Seemingly an eternity later, it was my turn to meet Mike Hart. It was the moment of truth. It was the holy grail of the Michigan Fan Day experience.
Plus, I also got autographs Donovan Warren and Junior Hemingway before the ushers kicked me out of the stadium. Sweeeeeeeet.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
It's official: Brian Hoyer, the new MSU quarterback, is quickly losing his hair. I feel bad for this guy, even though he does play for the Spartans. No college quarterback should be losing his hair during the best part of his life. This is Hoyer's greatest opportunity to get some serious co-ed funtime, and his humongo forehead might seriously impede this.
Brian Hoyer, I'ma do you a favor. Here are some new looks for you that you can try out instead of the old "I'm losing my hair, so let's buzz it and hope nobody notices" trick.
This is standard issue Brian Hoyer. Pretty meh looking and needs a little excitement in his coif.
The James Brown: Brian, if it worked for the Godfather of Soul, it can work for you. After you get sacked, you can pop up again, yell "OWWWWWWWWWW! I feeeeeeeeeel good!" and then one of the assitants can come over and put a cape on you...it will be awesome.
The 70's Pimp: With this haircut, when you're calling plays in the huddle, you can say cool things like "I'm not a snitch - I'm an urban informant." Plus, it's extra padding inside your helmet for when you get nailed by a linebacker. Fashion and function.
The Beethoven: Nothing commands respect like a big fluffy mass of gray hair. You can look distinguished and eccentric at the same time, plus it's great for tossing passionately when you want to write a song about how much your team is going to suck this season.
The Brian Setzer: It's a fun mixture of surfer dude attitude and 50's rockabilly rebelliousness. It'll be perfect for when you're jumping, jiving, and wailing under a big pile of defensive tackles.
The 80's Punk: Take your helmet off and ram someone headfirst to cause some serious damage.
Brian, I hope this helps. Remember - if you do well at MSU you might become a free agent in the NFL someday and be able to afford some plugs!
Monday, August 20, 2007
"I was bummed when I heard the news. But I talked it over with a few people, and you know what? Not being captain isn't the end of the world. As a matter of fact, not being a captain can sometimes be a good thing."
"Aye Aye!" Said Mr. Smee. "Tis true. I was never a cap'n. Hook got the job and ruled the ship with an iron...er...hook. But look what happened to him! All people seem to remember is how he got beaten by a little fairy nancy and how he got eaten by a giant alligator. A mighty fierce man old Hook was. Too bad."
"Yes, that Smee chap was quite right." said William Murdoch, first mate on the Titanic. "When the Titanic colided with that iceberg and water started to overtake the deck, was I going to go down with the ship? Bollocks! That's the captain's job! People mostly forget my role in the disaster - but everyone remembers John Smith! They say 'that's the bloody idiot who can't rudder a ship for all the jewels in the Tower of London!' "
"Occasionally, reconciling with the fact that you're not the captain is tough," said William Riker of the Starship Enterprise. "Sometimes, even though you know you're totally capable of doing the job, there's someone else with a special quality that makes them the right person to lead. That doesn't take away from what you have, or who you are. It takes some time to accept this, but sometimes, a the greatest act of leadership is being willing to follow someone else."
Captain or not - Chad Henne, Autumn Thunder salutes you.
Labels: Chad Henne
Sunday, August 19, 2007
College football keeps old friendships strong long after graduation day. Today, Autumn Thunder is proud to introduce the Michigan community to two best friends who went to OSU together, and remained close buddies to this day by watching football games in the bar where they first met.
Names: Jedediah McElroy (left) and Cyrus Potter (right).
Location: Columnbus, OH
Hobbies: Eating squirrels and bugs (Jedediah), watching death row executions with popcorn and soda. (Cyrus)
Ages: 46 (Jedediah) 44 (Cyrus)
Occupations: Deceased pet embalmer (Jedediah), animal roadkill scraper (Cyrus). See, they have so much in common!
Why They're Buckeye Fans: (Jedediah) "When yer life's wasted down the terlet, and you think it ain't worth livin, ya think of two things - friendship and OSU football and beer."
(Cyrus) "Hey friend, ain't that three thangs?"
(Jedediah) "Naw man. Friendship ain't no thang. It's a metephysical bond between two people that can't be categorized."
(Cyrus) "Whatchou talkin bout boy?"
(Jedediah) "Aw shuddup and get me a beer."
Isn't friendship wonderful? Autumn Thunder thinks so, and hopes you do too.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
"Yo Yo Yo! I've been droppin' Franklins and Hamiltons left and right lately. All the scrappin' and stuntin' our boys have been doin' has burned a hole in my pocket. Lawyers fees, bail money, silencing the press...damn! I needed to make some quick cash. My liquid gold fountain in my office was starting to dry up, and son, you never, never front on a man's liquid gold fountain." said Dollaz.
"So I licensed this video game. I figured with all the punches our boys have been throwing over the last few weeks, this game would be tighter than Mary Sue Coleman's ass in a press conference. Forshizzle!"
"One of the toughest opponents in my game is Yappy Gumflaps. Look how big his head is! He comes out really pumped up, and he taunts you a lot. For some reason, beating him is extra satisfying these days. Oh, and he is definitely not Jim Harbaugh. Word."
Controversial or not - I am buying this game tomorrow! It will be a nice change from NCAA 2008.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
"It hurt so bad when my hand was broken! I didn't know what to do." said Brown as he crushed a bowling ball to dust with his new robotic fist. "But then strength coach Mike Gittleson came up to me and told me about this bionic arm thing they could do for me at the hospital. I was like 'hellz yeah!' Hook me up!"
"I told Carlos we could rebuild him. Faster. Better. Stronger." said U of M Chief of Medicine Jonathan Champaign. "I think we're all happy with the results. I just hope he doesn't stiff arm anyone this year. He could probably rip someone's heart out."
Labels: Carlos Brown
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Labels: lloyd carr
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Maybe this will serve as a wake-up call to the rest of the team, and wipe any mischievous thoughts from their brains which may have been brewing for the last 9 months.
Friday, August 10, 2007
Look out mascot world, there is a new contender for the title of Worst Mascot Ever Invented! Meet Steely McBeam, the new mascot for the Pittsburgh Steelers. Steely is a giant construction worker with a jaw bigger than Chad Henne's and skin yellower than most characters on the Simpsons. True, Autumn Thunder is a Michigan blog, but since Michigan man and Steelers rookie LaMarr Woodley helped unveil this gigantic embarrassment, Steely makes his AT debut today. Congratulations, Steely.
"It was so freakin' ugly I didn't quite know what to do," said LaMarr. "I threw up in my mouth when I saw it for the first time. After the unveiling, I went home and reflected on how awesome it was to play for Michigan, who knew that if you can't have a good mascot, don't have one at all."
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Because Charlie Weis was unable to perform many normal daily functions due to his weight problems and poor health in general, he was issued a helper monkey from the Helping Hands monkey assistance program for the start of fall practice. "Oh man, I was so excited to get him!" said Weis. "I named him Rockne and for a few days, he was a real help."
"But then, he stopped being helpful. I asked him to do normal everyday things which should be easy for a monkey if a guy like me is paid to do it. I said, "Monkey! Help me pick a starting quarterback for the 2007 season! I don't know what to do! He did nothing. The next day I said Monkey! Tell me how to stop losing bowl games! Still nothing. The next day, I said Monkey! Drive my Lexus to Wendy's and get me 15 Baconators and 10 Frosty Floats with Diet Coke! Then the little bastard flung his feces at me."
"So what did I do after that?" commented Weis. "I slapped a hot dog bun on him and ate the little critter. He helped curb my appetite."
Someone alert PETA!
Labels: Charlie Weis
Labels: Sam McGuffie
Monday, August 6, 2007
"I understand how hard it is to resist temptation," said ND coach Charlie Weis. "Derrell probably felt the same thing looking at those skanky whores as I do when I look at a big juicy hot dog. It's hard to say no!"
On the Autumn Thunder soap box for a second - if you're a projected starting player for the college football program who some would claim is "America's team" and you can't get laid without coughing up some dough, something is wrong. Is this guy a total idiot? All he has to do is walk up to any woman in South Bend and say 5 magic words: "I-PLAY-FOR-THE-IRISH." BOOM! Pants on the ground. If touchdown Jesus is rockin', don't come a knockin.'
Saturday, August 4, 2007
Names: JimBob Hackenfield.
Location: Columnbus, OH
Hobbies: Bowling league, playing with his jug-band, and seeing how far he can spit tobacco into the wind.
Occupation: McDonald's fry-alator cleaner.
Why He's A Buckeye Fan: "I loves them Buckeyes! Watchin' them play is better than doin' the horizontal diggity-dance with yer sister. Ooooooooooooooooooooohweeeeee!"
It's good to be back on the wagon. Stay tuned for the next OSU Fan of the Week, which might not be next week...but rest assured, it's coming.
Labels: fan of the week
Thursday, August 2, 2007
"Well," said Cox, while carrying a suspicious package from ACME out from the post office, "I do have a well-though-out plan to see the field. Does it involve hard work? No. Does it involve training and hours of film review? No. But just trust me. I know people don't expect much out of me, but that's fine for now. Hey totally random question - what size bear trap do you think it would take to snare Kevin Grady? Large sound good? Has Carlos Brown had mono?" Then he started to cackle with madness and his eyes had a maniacal glow.
"Michigan fans will know the name Mike Cox very soon," he remarked. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go find Brandon Minor...Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Ha! Ha! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
To an extent, we all feel a sting from Harbaugh's words. But the true mark of a Michigan man is to show class at all times, even when you're boiling with anger and have a chance to take a public shot at the source of your frustration.
I know that criticizing Mike Hart on a Michigan blog is punishable by 40 lashings. I will go to confession tomorrow and repent.