Carlos Brown Is Fixed!

No More Fumbles for Carlos.

We were all disappointed today to hear that Carlos Brown broke his hand in practice. But, thanks to experimental surgery at the U of M hospital, Carlos Brown is ready to go and better than ever.

"It hurt so bad when my hand was broken! I didn't know what to do." said Brown as he crushed a bowling ball to dust with his new robotic fist. "But then strength coach Mike Gittleson came up to me and told me about this bionic arm thing they could do for me at the hospital. I was like 'hellz yeah!' Hook me up!"

"I told Carlos we could rebuild him. Faster. Better. Stronger." said U of M Chief of Medicine Jonathan Champaign. "I think we're all happy with the results. I just hope he doesn't stiff arm anyone this year. He could probably rip someone's heart out."