Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Autumn Thunder's First International Jesus-Off!

In the spirit of hosting Notre Dame this coming Saturday, I'm excited to present Autumn Thunder's first International Jesus-Off! Notre Dame is awfully proud of their signature piece of artwork known to many as Touchdown Jesus. But is it the finest likeness of Jesus in the land? Several Jesuses from around the world could give it a run for it's money. Behold!

TOUCHDOWN JESUS VS. CRISTO DE LAS NOAS
In Torreon, Mexico, one can find the second largest Jesus likeness in Latin America. Unfortunately, Torreon Jesus is not high on a hill and gets no extra majesty points. Though smaller, Touchdown Jesus wins this round due to it's iconic status.
Winner: Touchdown Jesus.

TOUCHDOWN JESUS VS. THE KING OF KINGS STATUE
At The Church of the Solid Rock in Monroe, OH (Okay, I'm impressed by something in Ohio. There's a first!), The King of Kings statue rises up out of the pond in back of the chapel. The likeness is 62 feet tall and weighs 16,000 pounds. I don't think there's any question who wins this round.
Winner: Bathtime Jesus

TOUCHDOWN JESUS VS. KYLEMORE JESUS
Outside Kylemore Castle in Ireland, a giant Jesus statue welcomes visitors with open arms. While this Jesus statue is a little weather beaten, it is actually Irish. Therefore...
Winner: Kylemore Jesus

TOUCHDOWN JESUS VS. OZARKS JESUS
Eureka Springs, Arkansas lays claim to a seven story, two million pound Jesus statue. Now that's a lotta Jesus. Just because of his sheer size...
Winner: Ozark Jesus

TOUCHDOWN JESUS VS. THE CORCOVADO
Rio de Janeiro, Brazil has one of the most iconic Jesus likenesses ever: The Corcovado. The Corcovado rests atop a mountain and overlooks the city, and gets mega aesthetic points for being covered by clouds and being behind gorgeous sunrises and sunsets. There's no topping the Corcovado.
Winner: The Corcovado

TOUCHDOWN JESUS VS. COCHABAMBA JESUS
In Cochabamba, Bolivia, there is a Mormon temple with a pretty impressive Jesus likeness. But, it is full of holes, as you can see from the picture. While we can't fault the statue for being holy, we do take points away for holes. Even though Cochabamba is becoming one of my new favorite words...
Winner: Touchdown Jesus

TOUCHDOWN JESUS VS. CHRIST OF THE ABYSS
In Key Largo, there is one of the few underwater Jesuses in the world. The coral and angelfish (how ironic!) surrounding this Jesus likeness provide a serene and breathtaking experience.
Winner: Scuba Jesus

TOUCHDOWN JESUS VS. BAHA JESUS
In Tiajuanna, Mexico, one can find Baha Jesus overlooking one of the country's major highways. While any attempt at portraying Jesus should be viewed as an honest and well intentioned endeavor, let's keep it real - this is one of the lower-tier Jesus likenesses. It's kind of reflective of the Buddy Christ from Dogma.
Winner: Touchdown Jesus

So, Touchdown Jesus goes three for eight. Not bad. I'm sure Charlie Weis would say that Touchdown Jesus is not in a rebuilding stage and is ready to contend for the championship, just like any other year...

4 Comments:

Seth said...

Baja Jesus? Tijuana? Shouldn't it be "Donkey Show Jesus"?

ChrisHath said...

Hey! You forgot the Cross in the Woods in Indian River, MI!

http://www.irtourism.com/attractions.htm

nichole said...

HAHAHAHAHA! Loved this post!

MrGuy said...

Hi,

The Cochabamba jesus is not associated with the Mormon temple, it was built and is owned by the city of Cochabamba itself. The statue is hollow and has stairs that allow people to climb to just below the neck (the head and arms are not stong enough to handle additional weight). The holes allow people to look out across the city.

 

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