Please Support The Pat Maloy Scholarship!

Hello AT Readers,

I know (and am grateful!) that you guys come to this site for a chuckle at some crappy artwork - but if I may get on the AT soapbox for a minute, I urge you all to check out the auction for the Pat Maloy Cancer Scholarship Fund.

Who is Pat Maloy, you ask?

Six years after his death from esophageal cancer, Bernard “Pat” Maloy continues to inspire the students whose lives he touched. Their devotion to Maloy, a former associate professor of sports management, is reflected in this online auction, organized by a committee of former students. For more information about Pat Maloy visit this site.:

“As a mentor, Pat showed me options for my life that I never would have considered,” said Noel Cimmino (BA ’94), who serves as co-chair of the scholarship committee with Maloy’s widow, Nora Maloy (PhD ’00).

“This scholarship will provide options for students dealing with cancer and create a legacy for a professor who went to great lengths to support his students.”

“This auction represents the most comprehensive collection of autographed Michigan memorabilia in recent memory,” notes auction volunteer and Kinesiology Alumni Society Board Member Christian Parker (BA ’97).

“We have items from all the greats including Brady, Howard, Woodson, Griese, Leach, Carter, Edwards and more. Not to mention all of the other items that have been so generously donated from superstars throughout the NFL, NBA, NHL, and Major League Baseball. Cancer touches everyone and you didn't have to know Pat to appreciate his character and what he represented and that is why we this auction is so fortunate and will be such as success.”

So, AT Readers, check out all the cool stuff you can bid on while supporting this great cause. Items will include:

- 10 items autographed by UM Heisman Trophy winner, Desmond Howard (AB ’92), of Brecksville, Ohio, including a full sized Michigan helmet, football, mini-helmet and Michigan hat.

- A Super Bowl XXXIX football autographed by former UM signal-caller and New England Patriots star Tom Brady (BGS ’99), of Boston.

- A Michigan jersey autographed by all four members of the “The #1 Club”; Anthony Carter, Braylon Edwards, David Terrell and Derrick Alexander.

- Several footballs autographed by Heisman Trophy winner Charles Woodson.

- Passes to a closed spring football practice at Oosterbaan Fieldhouse.

- On-field pre-game passes before this year’s Michigan versus Minnesota game.

- Over thirty University of Michigan winter and spring weight jackets donated by Mitchell & Ness Corporation.

A live auction will precede the online auction on Friday, October 12 at 5:30 pm, during the Division of Kinesiology’s Homecoming events at Palmer Commons on U of M’s Central Campus. The items in the live auction are separate from those listed in the online auction.

So, AT Readers, let the bidding begin!

Northwestern Doth Be Slain!

MMMMmmmm! Very talented you are! Much to learn you have.

Phew! For a while I didn't think they would make it, but Michigan topped the Wildcats today. Because I am fighting a killer bout of seasonal allergies, I did not drink during the game, which made it that much harder to watch. I could have used a few brewskis during those field goal attempts!

Every able man, woman, and child must pile on Mike Hart!

Northwestern was ready for Hart. There wasn't just one man assigned to him. There weren't just two. At all times, there were no less than three defenders assigned to stop Mike Hart from doing his thang. Drive after drive he was attacked by a vicious mob of linebackers and defensive linemen. Sadly, their devious plan worked. Hart didn't carry the team today. Who did?

Chad Henne came back and showed us how a fourth-year starter is supposed to play. He made good reads, tossed a few beauties the entire width of the field, and gave the team a much-needed boost of confidence. Mallett did an admirable job, but until next year, there should be no doubt in anyone's mind that this is Chad's team.

Ahhhh. No matter how ugly the first three quarters were, watching that game felt good at the end.

Autumn Thunder Has Tickets For Sale

If any of you guys want to go to the Eastern Michigan game in two weeks, shoot me an email. I have two tickets on the 3o yard line in the 23rd row in section 3 which I will sell for face value ($50 each).

Autumn Thunder Book Club: Bo's Lasting Lessons.

On a ten and a half hour car ride, you need something to do! Knowing I would have lots of free time during my drive to Ann Arbor, I brought along a new copy of "Bo's Lasting Lessons" by John U. Bacon and Bo Schembechler. This book was worth reading every page. It almost feels like Bo is right there next to you, recounting his adventures in coaching and how they can be applied to life and leadership. Plus, you get a lot of new Bo stories that haven't been recounted in previous books about Michigan football. I learned a lot about leadership while reading this, and I got to rethink the way I work with people and how I could be a more effective motivator at work.

If you have an extra $25, a few hours, and an irresistible urge to read anything and everything related to Michigan football, this book is perfect for you. At least rent it from the library if you don't want to own your own copy for your Michigan book collection!

Play That Funky Music, Brandon!

In a display of justice, the disorderly conduct charges against Brandon Graham have been dropped and the case against him will be dismissed in 60 days. He is no longer wanted for arrest.

"Why yes, the situation was quite erroneous," said Graham. "I'm afraid the police had me confused with someone else. The night in question, my car stereo was playing Beethoven's 9th symphony, and I was enjoying the exquisite final movement by the virtuosos performing in the Vienna Philharmonic. The volume in my automobile was perfectly moderate - the same level of sonic output at which one should enjoy classical music's greatest masterpieces!"

"No, I'm not upset at all," quotes Graham. "I understand people make mistakes, and I will certainly not hold any grudges against our fine police force in the area. Taa Taa!"

Ask A Question to Tyrone Wheatley!

Blast from the past!

Thanks to the fine folks at the Pat Maloy Scholarship Fund, Autumn Thunder has been lucky enough to get a possible interview with Tyrone Wheatley, heroic Michigan running back of yesteryear. What do you guys want me to ask Tyrone? Send me your questions, and I'll try to put together an interview that will be interesting (possibly more interesting than the new cheerleader outfits?) to everyone.

Open Letter to Sam McGuffie #3!

Who looks badass in a winged helmet? Sam McGuffie looks badass in a winged helmet!

Sam, we're all really glad to hear you enjoyed your visit to Ann Arbor this past weekend. The University of Michigan is 'perfect,' you say? Damn right it is! Did you see how much love Mike Hart got during the game? Did you hear the student section chant his name as he left the field in the fourth quarter- so loud and so passionately that he limped back onto the gridiron to honor them? You are our hero waiting in the wings. In a few years, a steady chant of "SAM! SAM! SAM!" will echo 111,000 strong.

If you are at all concerned about coaching changes, I just heard today on Rivals Radio that all the assistant coaches at Michigan had two year contract extensions signed last year, so it is highly likely that the vast majority of the coaching staff you are working with now will be there next year.

I hope your recovery is going well and you're enjoying your senior season, albeit from the sideline for now. High school football is a great thing - but wait until you get to Michigan! You can't even imagine how good life will be.

Whatever happens, I'll always be a fan.

Sincerely,

C.C.

Autumn Thunder Tastes The Big Time!

I was excited and surprised to see a link to AT in SPORTS ILLUSTRATED online today! Apparently, hot Michigan cheerleaders are big news. I never thought my work would be seen beyond the Michigan blogosphere, so this is a great honor. Many thanks to Brian at MGoBlog for giving me the initial link and whoever suggested my site to SI.com.

Today was kind of a reality check - considering all the time I spend making crappy artwork and contriving outrageous fake news, what do you guys really want?

BOOOOOOOOOOOOBIEEEEEEEEEEES!

Cheerleaders: Looking More Like Actual Cheerleaders?

Herrrroooo!

One of the things I noticed this trip to A2 is that the cheerleaders are looking better than editions of past years. What do you guys think? Yay or nay?

Blech!

Anything has to be better than this!

Brother Bowl 2007: Victorious!

It was a long weekend to make Brother Bowl 2007 happen, but it was worth every second. We drove for 10.5 hours to get to Ann Arbor, and had a great time tailgating and watching the game. My brother was amazed at the differences between a PSU and a Michigan football experience.

"There's not giant piles of empty beer cans laying around everywhere and there are no people screaming and fighting with each other!" he said.

Yes, that's because we are civilized.

Will PSU win in '08? Who knows. All I know is that Brother Bowl '08 will probably be a good time, too.

Back On Track!

Review that call! Meeeeeeeeeeeeeheheheheheheheheheheheeeeeee!

It was fantastic to be back in Ann Arbor this weekend! It was even better to see a Michigan victory over the Lions. Paterno was insistent that the refs review every single call which could possibly be disputed, but that didn't stop Michigan from stuffing the Lions on every single key drive and holding them to three field goals.

There numbers shall account for nothing! They shall never get past us!

Oh. My. God. You were so awesome in this game I can't even begin to describe it. You just ran on and on, and bit by bit they realized they couldn't stop you. "Mike Hart: the ballcarrier!" was music to my ears all afternoon. The moment when you inched the ball over the goal line on to get the final touchdown - so inspirational! But you know what my favorite part was? After you got injured in the fourth quarter, you started to walk out, and then you turned around and limped back into the field because you didn't want anyone else carrying the ball.

We didn't want anyone else, either.

Brother Bowl 2007!

The Cowbell Commander and brother circa 2006 at PSU vs UM. I'm not fat, I'm just layered.

Besides OSU, the PSU game is my favorite game of the season. Why? Aside from UM vs PSU usually being a kickass game, my brother (sigh...a Nittany Lion) and my Dad have started a tradition where we drive out to the game and hang out for the weekend. I've been looking forward to this for a long time. When we're home, my brother and I usually get a few good games of Michigan vs. PSU in on the Playstation. Now it's time for the real thing!

My brother has yet to experience my photoshop wrath on the Lions. So here goes...

Grrrrrrrrrrrr!

I'm just getting started with this, brother. There are more pictures coming.

If any AT readers want to tailgate or grab a brew while I'm in town, shoot me an email! I'd love to meet some of you guys.

Good Riddance, Chong!

Would you like to get fried - I mean get fries with that?

Praise the Lord, Johnny Sears is off the team due to a drug-related team rules violation. He has only played in a few games, but was already looking to give Ryan Mundy a run for his money for the title of "cornerback which made me cringe the most."

Clean-up, aisle five!

Now that's he's off scholarship, I wonder what he will do with his life? He'll have to get some kind of job to support himself.

Look out for those maggots! Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Maybe we'll see Sears pop up at some D-II or FCS school in two years. But for now, we can all rest easy knowing that Donovan Warren will be our starting corner opposite Morgan Trent.

Smooth criminal.

Horraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

I Love Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!.

Smite those evil bastards!

You promised us victory and you delivered. They tried to stop you but you ran relentlessly and left them all stunned. You turned bad situations into celebrations. You broke their hearts while you uplifted all of ours. You showed us why we should always give a second or third attempt when it doesn't work the first time. You are our guardian angel, our cheerleader, and our general.

Thank you for giving us something to really believe in again. Thanks for never giving up when all the weight was on your shoulders.

Watching you play is an honor and a privilege. Every time I watch you I am filled with joy and hope. But at the same time, each game brings us closer to the moment where you'll say goodbye to us.

What will we do then?

This Town Ain't Big Enough Fer The Both of Us!

Now ya'll git out and don't never come back!

Clausen vs. Mallett has been covered by everyone and their brother. I could give you an Autumn Thunder analysis of the boys wonder, but I know why you really come here!

Autumn Thunder's First International Jesus-Off!

In the spirit of hosting Notre Dame this coming Saturday, I'm excited to present Autumn Thunder's first International Jesus-Off! Notre Dame is awfully proud of their signature piece of artwork known to many as Touchdown Jesus. But is it the finest likeness of Jesus in the land? Several Jesuses from around the world could give it a run for it's money. Behold!

TOUCHDOWN JESUS VS. CRISTO DE LAS NOAS

In Torreon, Mexico, one can find the second largest Jesus likeness in Latin America. Unfortunately, Torreon Jesus is not high on a hill and gets no extra majesty points. Though smaller, Touchdown Jesus wins this round due to it's iconic status.

Winner: Touchdown Jesus.

TOUCHDOWN JESUS VS. THE KING OF KINGS STATUE

At The Church of the Solid Rock in Monroe, OH (Okay, I'm impressed by something in Ohio. There's a first!), The King of Kings statue rises up out of the pond in back of the chapel. The likeness is 62 feet tall and weighs 16,000 pounds. I don't think there's any question who wins this round.
Winner: Bathtime Jesus

TOUCHDOWN JESUS VS. KYLEMORE JESUS

Outside Kylemore Castle in Ireland, a giant Jesus statue welcomes visitors with open arms. While this Jesus statue is a little weather beaten, it is actually Irish. Therefore...
Winner: Kylemore Jesus

TOUCHDOWN JESUS VS. OZARKS JESUS

Eureka Springs, Arkansas lays claim to a seven story, two million pound Jesus statue. Now that's a lotta Jesus. Just because of his sheer size...
Winner: Ozark Jesus

TOUCHDOWN JESUS VS. THE CORCOVADO

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil has one of the most iconic Jesus likenesses ever: The Corcovado. The Corcovado rests atop a mountain and overlooks the city, and gets mega aesthetic points for being covered by clouds and being behind gorgeous sunrises and sunsets. There's no topping the Corcovado.
Winner: The Corcovado

TOUCHDOWN JESUS VS. COCHABAMBA JESUS

In Cochabamba, Bolivia, there is a Mormon temple with a pretty impressive Jesus likeness. But, it is full of holes, as you can see from the picture. While we can't fault the statue for being holy, we do take points away for holes. Even though Cochabamba is becoming one of my new favorite words...
Winner: Touchdown Jesus

TOUCHDOWN JESUS VS. CHRIST OF THE ABYSS

In Key Largo, there is one of the few underwater Jesuses in the world. The coral and angelfish (how ironic!) surrounding this Jesus likeness provide a serene and breathtaking experience.
Winner: Scuba Jesus

TOUCHDOWN JESUS VS. BAHA JESUS

In Tiajuanna, Mexico, one can find Baha Jesus overlooking one of the country's major highways. While any attempt at portraying Jesus should be viewed as an honest and well intentioned endeavor, let's keep it real - this is one of the lower-tier Jesus likenesses. It's kind of reflective of the Buddy Christ from Dogma.
Winner: Touchdown Jesus

So, Touchdown Jesus goes three for eight. Not bad. I'm sure Charlie Weis would say that Touchdown Jesus is not in a rebuilding stage and is ready to contend for the championship, just like any other year...

Autumn Thunder's Unlikely Yet Awesome New Head Coach Possibilities.

Science is brining us closer and closer to reanimating the dead by the day. Sure, this could result in some horrible zombie episodes, but also brings Michigan the opportunity to resurrect some of history's greatest leaders to coach the team back to greatness.

THEODORE ROOSEVELT

Teddy Roosevelt would be a great option for Michigan's new head coach. He's popular with the people, isn't afraid to take risks, and shows great initiative for problem solving (take the Panama Canal for example!). Plus, he would look like a total stud riding in on his horse under the Go Blue banner on Saturday afternoons. Hyah!

OTTO VON BISMARCK

Honestly, I really don't know too much historical information about Otto Von Bismarck. I'm pretty sure he did some cool stuff back in ancient Prussia, but who cares about that? Look at that mustache! Look at that pointy helmet! Look at those spectacles! If you were at practice, you wouldn't screw around with Coach Von Bismarck patrolling the sidelines. Achtung, baby!

ABRAHAM LINCOLN

For a program as ethical as Michigan's, Honest Abe would be a perfect fit. Plus, he definitely promotes diversity, which is one of the University's silver bullets.

GHENGIS KHAN

As leader of the Mongols, Ghengis Khan ran the second largest empire in the history of the world. If he were head coach, Khan would unite Michigan's offensive line and make gridiron s across America Michigan's empire. Imagine a bloodthirsty front 5 brutally demolishing defensive lines across the Big 10!

FIDEL CASTRO

Maybe Fidel's dead. Maybe Fidel's alive. Why are we so confused about his status? Because Castro and his camp are awesome at keeping information private. Most of the world has no idea what goes on inside Cuba. Most of the world has no idea what goes on inside Fort Schembechler. A perfect match! Buenissimo!

Personally, I'd go for Roosevelt. How about you guys? Any other ideas?

Another Open Letter to Sam McGuffie.

Hi Sam,

I hope you're recovering from your injury and feeling ready to kick some butt this fall during your last year of high school. I'm sure your senior year isn't shaping up quite how you expected it to be. For sure, Michigan's year isn't shaping up the way how we all expected, either.

If you're having any second thoughts about coming to Ann Arbor next year, it's understandable. After all, the team you just committed to just lost to a FCS team last week and then got owned in this week's game against the Ducks. Suddenly, the prize you picked doesn't seem so shiny and new anymore, while the school you passed over is doing quite well this year. Couple that with the fact that the coaching staff you thought you would be working with might be gone in a few months - it's got to be weighing on your mind.

But Sam, there are benefits to riding out the storm. For one, if you saw how the other running backs are playing this year, you can pretty much tell that you can come right in and get significant playing time right away. Being buried in the depth chart will not be an issue.

Also, rest assured whoever Michigan brings in to replace Coach Carr and any other departing staff members will be BADASS. This is Michigan football we're talking about. While Bill Martin has been known to pinch pennies in the past with coaching salaries, he will spend top dollar to get Michigan the finest football coach money can buy. Alumni will pitch in to make sure this happens. Whoever the coach is next year, he will be great and lead the team right back on track to where you thought it would be when you committed.

Down years happen, Sam. They can happen for a number of reasons. Lack of team chemistry, bad coaching decisions, lack of adapting to the way the game is being played...they're all reasons why Michigan is not performing up to expectations this year.

But you represent the future. You're the type of player this program needs in order to be dominant in the next generation of college football. We're all hoping that you come in, amaze us on the gridiron, and have a career we will all tell our kids about someday.

Don't give up on us, Sam. We need you.

Whatever happens, I'll always be a fan.

Kindest regards,

C.C.

Twenty Year Olds In Funny Little Outfits Make Me Sad.

The Walking Wounded Return Defeated.

Who’s depressed right now? The Cowbell Commander sure is. The thing is – I just can’t logically accept why I am. Hear me out.

For the past day, I’ve been trying to find out a good reason why I’m feeling so empty inside. After all, I didn’t have a maize and blue uniform on Saturday afternoon. I didn’t play a single down. For all intents and purposes, the Oregon game will have no impact on my future whatsoever. All I did was watch a bunch of twenty-year-olds run around in funny outfits for three hours, and now I’m sad.

The more I’ve been thinking about it, the more absurd it seems to me. In yesterday’s simplest terms, the guys in the funny outfits I liked didn’t get an oval to their side of a grassy rectangle enough times to make me happy, and now my whole week is ruined. I’ll think about it every hour of every day this week, and obsessively hope that next Saturday, the oval gets moved to the right side of the rectangle enough times to make me feel good again.

I wonder why I care about the men in funny outfits matter to me so much. I can tell you all their names and corresponding numbers, but they don’t know who I am. I can tell you how many touchdowns they scored in the game last week, but they don’t know or care if I score a big deal at work or get a promotion to a better job. The fact that I can be so deeply affected by people I don’t know while they have no idea I exist is kind of strange.

What does that say about me? What does that say about us?

The Pain Hurts More When You Know It's Coming.

I'd like to say I can't believe it, but there have been enough lies this season. Our defense was supposed to be workable. Our offense was supposed to be dynamite. Hart and Henne were supposed to be here all year long. I don't know what to think right now.

The first down marker, Mr. Dixon? Right this way sir.

This is like waiting all spring for your senior prom and being stood up the night of the dance by your steady girlfriend. How could someone you love and trust break your heart like this?

Get your retirement speech ready. It was real, but you ya gotta go.

I'm really bummed and I'm taking the rest of the night off. I'll be back with more tomorrow. I'm going to go pet my puppies and see if it makes me feel any better. They're not kittens, but hopefully they will do the trick.

Buckin' and Buckin' Like We Was Duck Huntin'!

Let's hope he doesn't come back laughing at us with no Duck in his hand!

Tomorrow is a game which is going to mean a lot to the season. Either Michigan wins and starts to pick up steam, or they lose and become one of the biggest laughing stocks of 2007. I'm sure all the boys in blue are jacked for the game. They've been brewing and stewing for over a week now, probably looking forward to taking out their frustrations on some ugly green and yellow jerseys. I kinda feel sorry for the first Duck that gets tackled on Saturday. It will probably be vicious.

Lloyd Carr has a lot to answer for in this game. If he wins, he's the guy who allowed the biggest upset in college football history on his own turf. If he loses, he's an incompetent jackass who should be fired immediately and all mention of his name should be stricken from Michigan history. Talk about pressure. I'm pulling for you, Lloyd.

A man with a mission.

Lloyd Carr is not the only one with something to prove. Chad Henne has to go out there and show the world that he's a badass senior quarterback with a chip on his shoulder - not a bumbling scrambling disaster who's an easy target for aggressive defenses. Heisman hopes, a bowl bid, and a collegiate legacy all weigh heavily on Henne's shoulders on Saturday.

Do I have that "pregame dread" so many of my fellow bloggers are talking about these days? You betcha. But I'll never give up on them.

Don't Stop Believing!

We've got to stick together now.

It's understandable to be outraged and shocked about what happened on Saturday. A few days of feeling glum are to be expected. What I was not expecting is how so many of my friends and fellow bloggers have given up on the team and the season entirely. It's disappointing to see and depressing to read. We've waited 8 months for college football to return, and now many of us have quit before things even truly got started.

Mourning the loss of a championship game.

Yes, Saturday was a horrible black eye on the program. Yes, Michigan will be the butt of some jokes from years to come. Yes, many of us are questioning whether Lloyd Carr and the coaching staff are competent and if they should be in Michigan's employ. All that aside, giving up on someone you love when they need you most is pretty rotten.

What if one of your kids bombed the SATs during their senior year of high school, or totaled your BMW, or got caught doing drugs by the police? Certainly, you wouldn't abandon them. First you get frustrated and upset; perhaps angrily blog about them and make some incriminating photoshops. But then you try to forgive them and hope to God that they straighten out and fly right.

There's still a lot of time to get back on track and make a stand.

It's OK to be angry and frustrated. But let's not give up quite yet.

Not Football, But Still Cool: We Did It!

Celebration Time!

I just wanted to thank all the Autumn Thunder readers who graciously clicked the link to the blog about my crappy apartment building and the slumlords who run it. It turns out you guys gave the site so many hits, when you google the phrase "10 Midwood," my blog is the first thing to pop up!

Now for the good news - since all the new traffic boosted my Google rating, a prospective tenant found my blog online and backed out of signing her lease for this building upon reading it. She emailed me to thank me for exposing this building for what it really is. Thanks to you guys, she doesn't have to live like an animal for a year.

She thanks you, and so do I. This is our good deed for the week.

Gratefully,

C.C.

The Five Stages of Grief for Michigan Fans.

The grieving process is necessary to go through after a tough loss like this one. The following illustrations will show you what we are all about to, or are currently going through.

Stage 1: Denial.

Stage 2: Anger.

Stage 3: Bargaining.

Stage 4: Depression.

Stage 5: Acceptance

I'm still on stage three. How about the rest of you?

A Desperate Cry For Help.

This is not related to Meeeeeeechigan football, but I humbly emplore you to visit my other blog detailing how crappy my apartment building is. Please visit the page so I can get enough web traffic to pressure my slumlord into making my home livable. If you've ever chuckled at one of my posts, please help me get the last laugh with the slumlords.

Most gratefully,

CC

Say It Ain't So or Shoot Me In The Frickin' Face.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I'm usually a courteous person. But I was so angry coming home from the sports bar after watching the game today, I did not give up my seat to two cripples and a pregnant woman on the subway. Maybe I really was hurting more than them at that given moment. Maybe I'm a huge dick. But I don't care right now.

There were so many reasons to be upset today it almost hurts to blog. But blog I must, because it is the only way to cope with this madness.

Before I begin, allow me to say that it really pisses me off that Michigan got beat by a team which has a mascot which looks like Davey Jones from The Pirates of the Caribbean movies.

Hyarrrrrrrrrrrrr, I'm pissed off.

Now, let’s release the hounds.

Let's talk about the defense (or more appropriately, the lack thereof). The way that our defenders bounced off the Appalachian State running backs and that accursed Armanti Edwards made it seem like those rednecks had invisible anti-Michigan force fields surrounding them. They ran on our boys for ten or fifteen yards at will. The defensive line did nothing to stop them. Our safeties couldn’t catch the Appalachian State guys on a downfield sprint for their lives. Our corners let open receivers walk around the endzone like kids in a candy store. Appalachian State should have won by at least another touchdown, but some good luck swung the way of the Wolverines. Who was it who said our defense wouldn’t be so bad?

Relax! It's just Appalachian State!

What about offense? Chad Henne did what he could while getting no protection from the offensive line during 95% of the snaps. Those guys missed more blocks than a blind, dimwitted toddler trying to pick up Legos in his playroom. The receivers, especially Greg Mathews, did a pretty good job of catching balls thrown their way when Henne wasn’t getting chased around like an antelope pursued by a pride of starving lions in the Serengeti.

Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!

Special teams? Oh, Johnny Sears was special alright. There were more bad decisions by Sears in his first game as a kick returner than by all the cast members in every episode of Flavor of Love, I Love New York, and Rock of Love combined.

Returning kicks from inside the endzone with swarming coverage? LET'S DO IT!

To top it all off, Larry, Moe, and Curly calling the game on the BTN over dramatized each Michigan third down to the point of nausea.

“This is a key play for Michigan! They absolutely MUST get this first down!”

“This could be it! This is the game right here! It all might come down to THIS first down!”

“If Michigan doesn’t get THIS first down, then Satan will take over the world and send us all to a pit of burning fire for eternity!”

Take a hint fellas. Seriously. Listen to some Keith Jackson and learn how to properly build drama over the course of a game.

The bottom line? Appalachian State came ready to win. Michigan came ready to tippytoe through a field of daises and dandelions, cuddle kittens and eat lollipops. Appalachian State was intense and unrelenting. Michigan just stood there and said “….”

At least YOU didn’t fail us. I understand injuries happen, and you came back as soon as the coaching staff would let you. You’re magnificent. I love you.

Don't ever change a thing.

There’s only one good thing about losses to alleged cupcake teams – they give people a big reality check and inspire people to work their asses off. I expect that the outcome of the Oregon game next week will be much different, and not end with me going on a blog-o-cidal rampage.

Damn. I wish I had some Oberon right now.