Lloyd Carr's All Disciplinary Action Team!

The long jowls of the law.

In the past few weeks, Brian has posted The All-Lloyd Carr Team, and valiantly attempted to do an Anti-Carr team. Keeping with that spirit, Autumn Thunder proudly presents...

The Lloyd Carr All-Disciplinary-Action Team!

Here are the rules: Players were draftedfor the All-Disciplinary-Action Team based on the knuckleheaded things they did while at Michigan. Any transgressions which occurred after graduation/leaving the program for the NFL/getting kicked off the team will not be considered. This is not a comprehensive list, because not all disciplinary action gets picked up by the meda.

Behold!

Offense:

QB: Brian Griese
Before Griese quarterbacked Michigan to the 1997 National Championship, he had a little incident at Scorekeepers which culminated in his arrest for the felony of malicious destruction of property.
Disciplinary Action: Indefinite suspension (later reinstated, obv.)

RB: Kelly Baraka
Baraka's career was cut short before he really had a chance to shine after his second arrest for possession of Mary Jane.
Disciplinary Action: Kicked off the team; banished to football obscurity.

WR: Adrian Arrington
Adrian Arrington was mired in a controversy which involved domestic abuse and possible grand-theft auto.
Disciplinary Action: Long suspension; many hours of stadium step running.

WR: Mario Manningham
During his third year at Michigan, Manningham couldn't help smoking the magic plant.
Disciplinary Action: 1 game suspension

TE: Carson Butler
Carson Butler was involved in the Saint Patrick's Day massacre where a student was beaten within inches of his life.
Disciplinary Action: Temporarily kicked off team.

LT: Adam Stenavich
Adam Stenavich got a little cranky at a bar one night and was arrested under charges of disorderly conduct.
Disciplinary Action: Suspension

Defense:

DT: Larry Harrison
Larry Harrison was arrested after had a little trouble keeping the mouse in the house. EWW!
Disciplinary Action: Kicked off team; banished to football obscurity.

DE: Eugene Germany
Like Manningham, Germany couldn't say no to dope. While it was unclear if this was the straw that broke the camel's back or it was related to another incident, Germany was kicked off the team after this infraction.
Disciplinary Action: Kicked off team; banished to football obscurity.

CB: Johnny Sears
Aside from sucking, Johnny Sears got caught with pot one too many times.
Disciplinary Action: Kicked off team; banished to football obscurity.

CB: Chris Richards
Richards was the third member of the terrible trio who assualted a student on St. Patrick's Day 2007.
Disciplinary Action: Kicked off team; banished to football obscurity.

I'm sure this list is incomplete...please help me fill in the holes!

Awesomeness Postponed Until Tonight.

I tried really hard to get my magnum opus up last night, but I decided it just wasn't ready. Have you ever worked a long time to get something done, missed the deadline, and in the end, rather than submit some half-assed piece of shlock, decide it was better to hold off and present it to the world as you wish it to be seen?

That's what happened this weekend. Check back later tonight. If Mikey's reaction means anything to you, this will be glorious.

Mama Called, I'm Coming Home.

Hello AT Readers,

It's been a long few weeks for me. Thankfully, life has calmed down and things are getting back to normal. I shall return this Sunday night with a post that will change the face of the Michigan blogosphere forever, probably for the worse.

Stat tuned.

Yours Truley,
CC

I Wonder If He Knew It Was Me!

Gary, Big Billy Dollaz, and the Cowbell Commander

A few weeks ago I was fortunate enough to go to the NYC stop of the Rich Rodriguez on the Road tour. While I was there, I couldn't resist the opportunity get a picture with Big Billy Dollaz himself. I didn't have the cojones to ask for a solo picture with BBD because of the large crowd and general chaos which was following Dollaz wherever he went, but thankfully AT VIP Gary played Kramer to my Jerry and we got a picture for the ages.

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah boyeeeeeeeee!

Autumn Thunder Turns One!

Time really flies when you're having fun. It's hard to believe that it's been a year since my first post on Autumn Thunder. It all started with a man, a bootlegged copy of photoshop, and a dream. Now Autumn Thunder is a multi-hundred dollar enterprise which has earned me four free beers from people who read the site. Capital!

Perhaps many of you reading this post are in the same position I was a little over a year ago - you have an urge to join the college football blogosphere but are unsure as to how to take the first step. My advice? Just take the plunge, baby!

If you're going to make that first post sometime soon, I hope that the lessons I've picked up this year can help you. Here's what I learned during my first year of semi-pro blogging:

The most important rule of blogging in the Michigan blogosphere is knowing that Brian Cook is your personal Jesus. It's true! The man can triple your traffic for a day or two with a single link, and mad traffic is to be had if you can concoct something interesting enough to make his sidebar. Because of his tireless work and his undisputed reign as the best blog in our community, I humbly and willingly accept the fact that one man can largely determine how my work is recieved by others.

So, aside from that, here are a few other quick Do's and Don'ts I would suggest to a newbie blogger:

DO:

1) Have a shtick. Your site is a brand, and people will make return visits when they've identified something that you do which they like. Humor, inspiring prose, photoshop skills, analytical prowess - pick one that you can present well on a regular basis and run with it.
2) Comment on other blogs. Aside from being an active member in the blogosphere, the links you leave in your comments may indirectly bring traffic to your site. How serendipitous!
3) Give props to other bloggers when they post genius work. We don't do it for the money, folks (well...some people are so good that they can) so when you see that a colleague has put up first rate post, let them know that you've noticed and that you admire their efforts. It means a lot to me when I get a congratulatory note from The MZone or MVictors.com in my inbox.
4) Stick to it. Yes, posting 3-4 times a week is sometimes a challenge. But it's quite rewarding, kind of like getting up at 6 AM to run each day. I have mucho respect for the bloggers who play ball week in and week out - and the utmost respect for those who keep it going strong during the nine-month barren wasteland of the off-season.

DON'T:
1) Regurgitate material from official news sources. Since most people who are active blogosphere readers also read the Freep, The Daily, SI.com...etc., re-writing the work of others is both lazy and lame. Blogs are great because of their original thoughts and opinions.
2) Give up after a few months of low traffic. It takes time to build a decent daily following! Though the first month or two may be filled with double digit days, if you post quality material, people will check the site more often than you'd think. If you blog it, they will come.
3) Post and ghost. It's bad blog etiquette to routinely go without posting for long periods of time without notice to your readers. It's one of the surest ways to get deleted from another blogger's blogroll or deleted from a reader's list of daily bookmarks.

I'm no pro by any means, and I still have a lot to learn about amateur sports blogging (like how to get those cool text boxes inside my posts.). But for now, I just want everyone who reads this to know I'm grateful and flattered that you find my work worth your valuable time, and if you have the urge to start your own Michigan football blog, there's no time like the present.

Go Blue!

Men Beware! "Leatherheads" Is A Chick Flick!

Logically expecting "Leatherheads" to be full of old-timey football hijinks and slapstick hilarity, I was a bit disappointed when I found myself watching a romantic comedy disguised as a movie about 1920's football. The football action was good when it was onscreen and the atmosphere of the prohibition-era was recreated well, but the dialogue was so cheesy even I cringed with disgust - and that's saying a lot!

Movie studio marketing executives, you win this round. Fool me once...shame on you!

Happy Easter!

What? You don't like Hippity-Hop culture?

Happy Easter in advance to all the AT readers out there - may the bunny bring you many cavities this weekend. I'm taking a weekend excursion to my parents' place outside Philly, so I'll be back Monday-ish. Take care till then!

LiveBlogging: Dumbest Thing Ever?

Obviously a LiveBlog sympathizer.

Though I have been reading sports blogs online for the better part of three years, I am still a somewhat new contributor to the blogosphere. Throughout my years of reading other amateur writers' work, one thing I have never understood is the LiveBlog. For those of you who don't know what a LiveBlog is, a LiveBlog is when a blogger writes down every single thought that pops into their mind while they experience something (like watching a game on TV). In a nutshell, it's a stream of consciousness posted on someone's blog.

I occasionally read through LiveBlogs when they are posted, and in general, find them to be:

1) Usually not that funny/informative/interesting.
2) Usually too long.
3) Masturbatory.

LiveBlogging is weak. LiveBlogging is a mailed-in effort which does a disservice to a blogger's reputation by exposing their audience to a half-assed piece of work when a blogger could have otherwise taken a little extra time to put something cohesive, compact, and well-planned for their faithful readers to enjoy. Moreover, it seems extremely self-indulgent and somewhat narcissistic.

Bloggers, I know March Madness will soon be in full effect and the temptation to post a LiveBlog or two will arise. I urge you...for the sake of your readers and your own hard-earned reputations...RESIST!

Hair To The Victors?

You too can look like this for only $30,000!

Yesterday morning, I overheard two ladies at the office discussing male celebrities who had hair plugs. My ears perked up when I heard the name Tom Brady. Tom Brady? Is the most spectacular football player Michigan ever produced "pluggin' it up?"

I did a little bit of investigative Googling when I got home, and found out that Brady had indeed recently been to a hair clinic in NYC. (That hair clinic is right where my old apartment used to be! Ahhhh, the village...good times.) Anyway, the pictures that day show him styling his hair in "the swoop," which is the go-to style of college guys everywhere who are beginning to see their hairlines recede. Can there be any truth to this? You be the judge.


More importantly, does it really matter if he is getting a little artificial help with his 'do? If I had tons of money and the inclination to have the surgery, I'd do it if I saw a need for it. Good for you, Tom Brady. Man - the offseason must really be getting to me if I'm starting to care about crap like this!

He's White and Light and That's Alright.

Who will be McGuffie's Eddie Haskell?

Here's some McFluff to tide you over for a few days. Sure, you may have already read this. But I bet you the other sites didn't have a picture of McGuffie as The Beaver!

It's Good! To Date! A Michigan Wolverine!

Look at the love on our faces.

I know it's cheesy/borderline whipped to do this, but I want to take a moment to say...

I am pretty damn lucky to have a charming, funny, pretty, smart, and most importantly, die-hard Michigan football fan as my girlfriend. We met watching football in a NYC sports bar two years ago, became best friends pretty quickly, and then it grew into something special from there. Today marks our second year of dating.

She's pretty much everything a man could want...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand she has SEASON MICHIGAN FOOTBALL TICKETS ON THE 35 YARD LINE TO BOOT!!

I love you, J*. Happy Valeversary :)

Happy Valentine's Day In Advance!

Oh baby, you're so soft and tender. I could just eat you. Wait...I WILL!

I'd like to wish all you AT readers a Happy Valentine's Day in advance. Valeversary festivities will prevent me from blogging tonight and tomorrow night (Dig this - I was lucky enough to have J* let me combine our anniversary and Valentine's Day celebration into one special night since they are on consecutive days. It's our own "Festivus" of sorts...).

I hope you get to spend time with someone special. If you're single, at least take comfort in the fact that you're not spooning a hot dog. If you are spooning a hot dog...at least make sure the condiments face away from you.

Not That There's Anything Wrong With That!

A man touched it and it moved! What does that mean!?!?

The University of Michigan may be offering the gayest college course ever - literally. English 317 section 2 is titled "How to be Gay." My girlfriend happened to stumble upon this when she was visiting the Perez Hilton site.

I knew Michigan is a liberal place, but wow!

Like Waiting For A Spanking.

I am not ashamed or regretful to admit that I was occasionally spanked as a child. As a matter of fact, I'm glad my Dad did it - it probably knocked a lot of sense into me.

Waiting for this game is a lot like waiting for one of those ass-stinging experiences. Hearing that Michigan had to play Florida was like being sent to my room - I knew something bad was on the way. Then Tebow won the Heisman. That was like hearing Dad come up the steps, and I just mentally prepared myself for the unpleasantless I knew was ahead of me.

Today, I'm going to go to the bar, pull down my pants, and take it like a man. Many of you will, too. At least we're all in this together.

Back!

Sorry it took so long, but I was really enjoying the time off. Back to work now!

Taking a Holiday Break

Break time!

I am now in my parents' home outside Philadelphia and will have no access to photoshop (and why else would you visit this site?) until the day after Christmas. I'll be back around then with my usual shtick.

Until then, I hope you have a wonderful and safe holiday.

Sincerely,
The Cowbell Commander

It's My Birthday!

So as of three minutes ago, I am officially 25 years old. It's kind of a surreal moment - eighteen hours ago I was living the dream back in Ann Arbor (except the loss part) and now I'm back in my crappy Brooklyn apartment dreading the hours until I have to go back to my cubicle.

Being back in Ann Arbor, a place filled with so much hope, so many dreams, and so many talented and accomplished people reminded me how life is really supposed to be lived - going after what you really want and not settling for anything less.

In front of all you AT readers, I hereby swear that I am going to make this the most productive and happiest year of my life since I left Michigan.

I wish I could hang out and have a beer and eat some wings with you guys. But since that's a geographic impossibility, send me a picture of a beer! It would be most appreciated and get my 25th year off to a great start.

Yours truly,

C.C.

Celebrity Weekend!

Say cheese, sweetheart!

This weekend, alongside tailgating with some good college buddies (and some VIP AT readers!), I got to meet a few football celebrities. My girlfriend, Decker (an old college buddy who once played quarterback against Henne in high school!) and I went to the MDen to meet Lee Corso. He couldn't have been a nicer guy. He seemed happy to meet all the fans who came to greet him and was willing to sign autographs and pose for pictures. You can't tell because I blacked out all the faces of those who wish to remain anonymous - but DAMN is that man orange!

Unverified Voracity meets Random Crap.

I also got to meet Brian from MGoBlog at a mysterious bar located somewhere near Ashley. He's even smarter-sounding in person than he is on the blog, if that's possible.

New At The MDen: The Michigan Thneed!

Will Michigan ever run out of products to license? During my visit to the MDen this trip, I saw the latest and greatest product I did not need but had the urge to buy anyway: The Michigan Thneed.

I'm being quite useful. This thing is a Thneed.
A Thneed's a Fine-Something-That-All-People-Need!
It's a shirt. It's a sock. It's a glove. It's a hat.
But it has OTHER uses. Yes, far beyond that.
You can use it for carpets. For pillows! For sheets!
Or curtains! Or covers for bicycle seats!

Oh, MDen. What will you have next time I come? One thing is for sure:

The Michigan Lorax is not amused.

Autumn Thunder's Official Urinal Playbook!

This Saturday, Michigan Stadium held the second-largest capacity crowd in its history. As a result, anyone trying to take a leak at halftime was in for an unpleasant surprise - a bathroom packed to the brim and filled with angry, frustrated fans. Should this ever happen again, and should you find yourself holding it in instead of braving the medieval urinal troughs, fear not! Here is the official Autumn Thunder Michigan Stadium Urinal Playbook. BEHOLD!

Scenario: It's halftime, and you think your kidneys are about to burst out of your back. So, you rush to the bathroom, only to find that the entranceway looks like a breadline in Cold War Russia. NOOOO!

The first thing you see when you enter is a wall of dudes. Don't be intimidated. Don't be distracted. Just keep your head on straight and focus on the job at hand - ridding yourself of the five or six beers you had before the game.

Don't be tricked into waiting right by the entrance. This is a high-traffic area and you're bound to wait the longest here. Be smart! Head straight through the wall of dudes, turn the corner, and head down the sideline. Pop out at the far right corner. From this angle, you have four possible angles of urination (AOU) at your disposal. You'll surely get a spot here.

If you do have to wait once you get to the area with the best AOU, you best pick a good lead blocker. Avoid these lead urinal blockers at all costs:

Old Men: These guys take forever. Plus,they stand there for like twenty minutes fixing their pants and tucking their shirts in after they're finished and block the lane for others.

Little Kids: A disaster waiting to happen. Almost always accompanied by their Dad - this deadly combination of urinal inefficiency effectively blocks two spots at the trough. Abort! Abort! Abort!

Opposing Fans: They are often confused, and are unsure as how to handle the medieval urinal trough. While not as poor a choice as the old man or the little kid, still avoid if possible.

Thus, the only good choice is The Hardcore Michigan Fan. These guys want to get in and get out and refuse to miss a moment of the halftime performance. They savor the tradition and pageantry of the whole Michigan football experience and won't dilly-dally on the job.

So there you have it, AT fans. Hit the hole hard, pick a good lead blocker, and feel that wonderful, wonderful relief.

Do you guys have any good strategies you'd like to share?