Mallett Fumbles Box In Dorm Room Closet; Causes Massive Flood First Week On Campus!

According to today’s edition of the Rivals Radio webcast and this article from WholeHogSports.com, Ryan Mallett has had a rough start to his new life in Ar-Kansas.

Apparently, he was moving into his dorm room, and had a catastrophic accident in his closet involving a box and a sprinkler head. Witnesses saw 4 inches of water running out the door and flooding other parts of the dorm. Water also ran out the windows and soaked other student’s rooms.

Several students saw Mallett arguing with the shelf after the incident, and that Mallett was claiming that the shelf did not put enough effort into catching the box after he threw the box up to be caught.

Oh, Mallett.

Ryan Mallett to Ar-Kansas?

Watch me throw this piggie 80 yards! Yeeeeeeeee-haaaaaaaw!

It looks like Ryan Mallett will be heading to Ar-Kansas next year. How will Mallett stack up against players from America's toughest conference? Only time will tell.

My prediction? 'Snap! Run run run run run run run...SACK/FUMBLEEEEE!'

Just kidding!

Wait...No I'm not.

What Makes A Michigan Man?

I will forgo the usual crappy artwork tonight to discuss something that might have been on your mind today.

Were you taken aback when Ryan Mallett called himself a Michigan Man? Personally, I found his claim to be unwarranted.

The term "Michigan Man" has been become somewhat of a cliche this year. "Michigan Man" became the phrase du jour during the Harbaugh scandal, and since then, anyone who's anyone seems to want to bestow the term upon themself.

Sure, while Mallett was here, he showed hints of the success he could have had at Michigan, and made positive contributions to the football team on a number of occasions. One can argue that Mallett, even though enrolled for only one and a half years, was a more prominent "Man in Michigan" than the majority of the students and faculty who have been at Michigan for many years.

So this leads me to ask a more important question: "What exactly is a Michigan Man?"

In my opinion, a Michigan Man is one of two things: a person who has graduated from Michigan, or a distinguished non-graduate who has served the University for a substantial period of time and has been been awarded the title by his peers. Mallett is certainly not the former, and I would be hard-pressed to say he's the latter.

Ryan Mallett is a talented man. A confident man. A tall man. But a Michigan Man? That's pushing it.

Stork To Eject?

"Read option bogeys on my six! I can't shake 'em! Oh noooooooooooooooo!"

According to Lloyd, Ryan Mallett has made his decision whether he will leave the Wolverines or stay for his first season under RichRod. Will Stork eject or will he try to use evasive maneuvers to avoid the bench?

My gut says Mallett is gonna reach for the ejector seat handles and punch out. A shame...he has so much potential.

Ryan Mallett's Playbook Revealed; David Cone Appointed Fumble Caddy.

Time for some rootin' tootin' fumbles! YEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAW!

Autumn Thunder is excited to be the first to reveal an exclusive look at Ryan Mallett's playbook. It has been speculated that Mallett is only working with a limited portion of the offensive plays; but seeing that there are only four plays to choose from is quite disturbing. It seems that play number four was called several times on Saturday and executed to perfection.

You finally have something to do! If you screw it up, you're off the lawn!

In other important team news, David Cone has been appointed Ryan Mallett's official 2007 Fumble Caddy. He will now be in the backfield at all times when Mallett is under center, and one of the tight ends will stay off the field to compensate for the added position. Having a personal Fumble Caddy far outweighs the extra tight end, dontcha think?

Northwestern Doth Be Slain!

MMMMmmmm! Very talented you are! Much to learn you have.

Phew! For a while I didn't think they would make it, but Michigan topped the Wildcats today. Because I am fighting a killer bout of seasonal allergies, I did not drink during the game, which made it that much harder to watch. I could have used a few brewskis during those field goal attempts!

Every able man, woman, and child must pile on Mike Hart!

Northwestern was ready for Hart. There wasn't just one man assigned to him. There weren't just two. At all times, there were no less than three defenders assigned to stop Mike Hart from doing his thang. Drive after drive he was attacked by a vicious mob of linebackers and defensive linemen. Sadly, their devious plan worked. Hart didn't carry the team today. Who did?

Chad Henne came back and showed us how a fourth-year starter is supposed to play. He made good reads, tossed a few beauties the entire width of the field, and gave the team a much-needed boost of confidence. Mallett did an admirable job, but until next year, there should be no doubt in anyone's mind that this is Chad's team.

Ahhhh. No matter how ugly the first three quarters were, watching that game felt good at the end.

This Town Ain't Big Enough Fer The Both of Us!

Now ya'll git out and don't never come back!

Clausen vs. Mallett has been covered by everyone and their brother. I could give you an Autumn Thunder analysis of the boys wonder, but I know why you really come here!

Mallett vs. Jimmah! Round 1

I can't wait to see how these two stud freshman quarterbacks stack up against each other! Unfortunately, we'll have to wait a few soul-suckingly football-less months to see who the top dog is. Everybody says Jimmah! is rated higher going into their respective Freshman campaigns. I agree. Who can argue with a scientifically proven bar graph?