If You Build It, They Will Pay.

Dollaz never sits down on the job, dawg.

Along with the luxury boxes which will be up by 2010, Big Billy Dollaz has found another way to generate a little bit of extra cash for the athletic department: seats with chairbacks. Wealthy Michigan fans will no longer have to endure three hours of lower-lumbar discomfort and can lean back without getting a knee in the spine like the rest of the average Joes at Michigan Stadium. While the chairback seats have not received the same amount of attention as the luxury boxes, they are still a luxury worth considering if one has a measly $2,000 per seat lying around.

Dollaz sees the value in these "small luxuries" and upon the advice of his financial advisor, Nick Elandime, plans to expand on the program.

"Yo yo yo! If a chair ain't got no back, that shizzle is wack!" Explained Dollaz. "This is just the tip of the iceberg, dawg. I'ma start charging for a whole lot more for the little niceties in life, like Oxygen. Fans that be wantin' some 02 in their section of the stadium are gonna have to donate $0.001/per breath taken inside the Big House starting in the 2009 season. Also, if fans want to wear jackets past September, there will be a $5.00 per coat per quarter of football surcharge. Those puffy jackets cramp up the stadium, which means I can't sell as many tickets because it's too crowded. This will make up for lost revenue. Wooooooooooooooooooooood up!"

Wheelchair Debate Still Rolling Along.

Gentlemen! Welcome to my newly accessible Big House lair.

If any of you are wondering if there has been any big updates with the Michigan Stadium renovation/disabled access situation, there have been none. So far, no official word has been announced whether or not UM is in compliance with the 1990 Americans with Disabilities Act (although UM fervently claims that it is.)

Recently, UM has proposed the installation of 300 wheelchair accessible spots at each opening in the bowl, with the provision that the spots may be replaced with regular seating on an as-available basis.

The Office for Civil Rights rejected this offer because the seating wasn't permanent.

So much for compromise.

Where does the line between common sense and legislation need to be drawn?

Autumn Thunder's Official Urinal Playbook!

This Saturday, Michigan Stadium held the second-largest capacity crowd in its history. As a result, anyone trying to take a leak at halftime was in for an unpleasant surprise - a bathroom packed to the brim and filled with angry, frustrated fans. Should this ever happen again, and should you find yourself holding it in instead of braving the medieval urinal troughs, fear not! Here is the official Autumn Thunder Michigan Stadium Urinal Playbook. BEHOLD!

Scenario: It's halftime, and you think your kidneys are about to burst out of your back. So, you rush to the bathroom, only to find that the entranceway looks like a breadline in Cold War Russia. NOOOO!

The first thing you see when you enter is a wall of dudes. Don't be intimidated. Don't be distracted. Just keep your head on straight and focus on the job at hand - ridding yourself of the five or six beers you had before the game.

Don't be tricked into waiting right by the entrance. This is a high-traffic area and you're bound to wait the longest here. Be smart! Head straight through the wall of dudes, turn the corner, and head down the sideline. Pop out at the far right corner. From this angle, you have four possible angles of urination (AOU) at your disposal. You'll surely get a spot here.

If you do have to wait once you get to the area with the best AOU, you best pick a good lead blocker. Avoid these lead urinal blockers at all costs:

Old Men: These guys take forever. Plus,they stand there for like twenty minutes fixing their pants and tucking their shirts in after they're finished and block the lane for others.

Little Kids: A disaster waiting to happen. Almost always accompanied by their Dad - this deadly combination of urinal inefficiency effectively blocks two spots at the trough. Abort! Abort! Abort!

Opposing Fans: They are often confused, and are unsure as how to handle the medieval urinal trough. While not as poor a choice as the old man or the little kid, still avoid if possible.

Thus, the only good choice is The Hardcore Michigan Fan. These guys want to get in and get out and refuse to miss a moment of the halftime performance. They savor the tradition and pageantry of the whole Michigan football experience and won't dilly-dally on the job.

So there you have it, AT fans. Hit the hole hard, pick a good lead blocker, and feel that wonderful, wonderful relief.

Do you guys have any good strategies you'd like to share?

MTV names Bill Martin to host new show: "Pimp My Athletic Complex."

Move over, X. There's a new pimp in town - Bill Martin, or as his fans in the business development world know him, Big Billy Dollaz. Impressed with the way Dollaz is handling the renovations and additions to the University of Michigan athletic complex, MTV has devoted a new show to college athletics upgrades with the 18-24 demographic in mind.

"Dawg, it was mad crunk what I did to Michigan Stadium," quoted Dollaz. "At first, the luxury boxes seemed like all I was going to do. But then I was like 'Aw hellllllllllz naw! Let's kick it up a whole 'notha level.' So I put platinum spinner 22 inch rims all around the stadium, and if the noise isn't loud enough with the champagne rooms (luxury boxes) I added, I had 10,000 watt subwoofers installed all across the sidelines. Next, I'm gonna put personal DVD players in the back of the benches and smoothie machines on top of all the urinals in the men's room. This House used to be a hoopty, but now it's gonna be hype! Yeahhhhhhhhhhhh Boooooooooooy!"