Nice Guys Don't Always Finish Last.

"Accept the challenge so you can feel the exhilaration of victory."

- George Patton

Well met, Lloyd Carr. Well met, indeed.

The Ultimate Tiger Trap?

In his farewell press conference, Lloyd claimed that the only reason for this being the time for his resignation was out of concern for future of the Michigan football program. Not to accuse Coach Carr of being malevolent towards Les Miles, but allow me to play devil's advocate for a minute and let us explore other possible reasons for Lloyd picking this as the time to retire:

1) Lloyd's departure sets the LSU athletic department to Defcon Five. In order to keep Miles around LSU, Skip Bertman, the LSU AD, offers Miles a very substantial raise. If Miles refuses the raise and accepts an offer from Michigan, he is giving up the possibility of being one of the highest-paid coaches in NCAA football. If he takes the raise and stays at LSU, people may say his love for Bo and ties to Michigan weren't as strong as initially thought - a major slap in his face. Truly a lose-lose situation for Miles.

2) Michigan offers Miles the job before the SEC Championship or even the BCS Championship (should the Tigers make it.) If Miles is not allowed to coach LSU after accepting a Michigan offer (not unheard of in college athletic politics, as Bo Schembechler has shown us in the past with Bill Frieder) he must choose between coaching players he loves for a major trophy (who knows when the next time he'll coach for a championship will be?) and what many people say is his dream job. Another possible lose-lose situation.

Lloyd Carr has always been a man of the highest moral standard. However, one can't quite ignore the possibilities that any personal disapproval with Miles' candidacy for the job might have factored into the way he retired.

What do you guys think?

Autumn's Twilight.

Dear Lloyd,

What can I say to you that hasn't been said already? Thanks for everything you've given us and for thirteen years of class, honor, and dignity. May you have a peaceful, happy, and productive retirement. You deserve it.

"What I'd Love To Be Able To Do Is Clone Him."

When Bill Martin was interviewed this past Saturday, a reporter asked him how he'd ideally like to replace Lloyd Carr.

Martin's answer?

"What I'd love to be able to do is clone him."

Can you imagine the possibilities? I sure can!

Lloyd In Real Life.

In his most recent press conference, a reporter looked Lloyd straight in the eye and said, "Lloyd, I don't understand why you just don't answer the question. Do you want to be in Ann Arbor next year?"

Lloyd responded by saying "I'm just going to focus on the game this Saturday."

Classic.

Some people look into this and speculate that Lloyd is hiding the fact that he is going to call it a career after this season. But look at the way Lloyd acts when he faces a tough, uncomfortable question in his everyday life. Do you think the way he acts in press conferences would be any different?

Lloyd Being Solicited By A Hot Female Groupie.

Groupie: Hey there! What are you doing after the game?
Lloyd: I respect your question, but I can't answer that question right now. I am doing something after the game, but I can't reveal at this time what it is. Next question please.

Lloyd Ordering Dinner At A Restaurant.

Waitress: Hi! Do you know what you'd like to have for dinner?
Lloyd: At this time, I can't comment on that. It'll be a decision I'll make when the time is right. Right now, I'm going to focus on this free glass of water and the bread we have right in front of us.

Lloyd At A Traffic Stop.

Officer: Coach, do you know how fast you were going?
Lloyd: Of course (wry, self-satisfied smile).

Lloyd At His Bar-Mitzvah.

Rabbi: Lloyd, are you ready to become a man in the faith?
Lloyd: Well, that's a good question. Right now, I'm just going to read this Torah. I'll go one word at a time, and we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

You see? A Lloyd Carr press conference is a riddle wrapped inside an enigma. While we all have our suspicions of the true meaning of Lloyd's response to yesterday's question, we can only wait to hear his official decision.

Autumn Thunder Exclusive: Manningham Suspended Because of The Worm!

Only $29.95! Sorry, no CODs.

As we all know, Manningham will not play this week against EMU due to a violation of team rules. Many have speculated what rule Mario may have broken - but only Autumn Thunder has the scoop: it was indeed the game-ending Worm that did the wide receiver in.

'Round and around and around and around!

"Mario Manningham doing 'The Worm' was totally unacceptable," said Lloyd Carr. "Everybody knows that our entire program is stuck in the 1960's. Everything is from the '60's. The kind of players we recruit - the playbook - the coaching methodology -the worm is from the mid 80's, and Mario's flagrant disregard of Michigan's time-honored tradition of not adapting to change had to be reprimanded."

"Perhaps if he did 'The Twist' at the end of the game, we would have abstained from punishing him." Explained Carr. "Hell - I would have tolerated 'The Swim' or even 'The Monkey'. But 'The Worm?' That's not something a Michigan Man does."

Look for Manningham's return in two weeks.

The Pain Hurts More When You Know It's Coming.

I'd like to say I can't believe it, but there have been enough lies this season. Our defense was supposed to be workable. Our offense was supposed to be dynamite. Hart and Henne were supposed to be here all year long. I don't know what to think right now.

The first down marker, Mr. Dixon? Right this way sir.

This is like waiting all spring for your senior prom and being stood up the night of the dance by your steady girlfriend. How could someone you love and trust break your heart like this?

Get your retirement speech ready. It was real, but you ya gotta go.

I'm really bummed and I'm taking the rest of the night off. I'll be back with more tomorrow. I'm going to go pet my puppies and see if it makes me feel any better. They're not kittens, but hopefully they will do the trick.

Buckin' and Buckin' Like We Was Duck Huntin'!

Let's hope he doesn't come back laughing at us with no Duck in his hand!

Tomorrow is a game which is going to mean a lot to the season. Either Michigan wins and starts to pick up steam, or they lose and become one of the biggest laughing stocks of 2007. I'm sure all the boys in blue are jacked for the game. They've been brewing and stewing for over a week now, probably looking forward to taking out their frustrations on some ugly green and yellow jerseys. I kinda feel sorry for the first Duck that gets tackled on Saturday. It will probably be vicious.

Lloyd Carr has a lot to answer for in this game. If he wins, he's the guy who allowed the biggest upset in college football history on his own turf. If he loses, he's an incompetent jackass who should be fired immediately and all mention of his name should be stricken from Michigan history. Talk about pressure. I'm pulling for you, Lloyd.

A man with a mission.

Lloyd Carr is not the only one with something to prove. Chad Henne has to go out there and show the world that he's a badass senior quarterback with a chip on his shoulder - not a bumbling scrambling disaster who's an easy target for aggressive defenses. Heisman hopes, a bowl bid, and a collegiate legacy all weigh heavily on Henne's shoulders on Saturday.

Do I have that "pregame dread" so many of my fellow bloggers are talking about these days? You betcha. But I'll never give up on them.

The Last Season?

L-R: Hart, Long, Manningham, Lloysus, Arrington, Henne, Mathews.

It appears that Lloyd's time with the Wolverines may be coming to an end after 2007. I have nothing to say about this that hasn't been said - But hey, look at that picture!

Bigfoot Expedition Planned In Michigan; Wolverine OL Recruiting Class Incomplete. Coincidence?

"Who's a hungry boy?!?!? Nice monster!"

Upon reading that the Bigfoot Field Researchers Association was planning an extended Bigfoot Hunting Expedition in Michigan's Upper Peninsula, the Cowbell Commander can't help but think that this is really just an excuse for Lloyd Carr to out-recruit OSU for the nation's best offensive line recruting class. As of now, OSU has the upper hand on Michigan at this position and leads the recruiting race with three of the nation's biggest studs at OL. But that could all change if Lloyd Carr could get Bigfoot to commit to the Wolverines. Seriously. What linebacker or defensive tackle could get by a seven-foot tall, half-ton mythical beast? Imagine Bigfoot and Jake Long bookending the Michigan offensive line. Unstoppable!

Bigfoot will no doubt be impressed by Michigan's rich tradition, and the academic standards are sure to appeal to him.

I know it might be a long shot, but come on Lloyd, pull this one off. Enough with the three-star diamonds-in-the-rough already!

Weekend Montage!

There are few more entertaining things in college football than watching a coach get in a referee's face after a blown or unfavorable call. Lloyd, usually a calm, cool, and collected fellow, occasionally blows his stack on the zebra and when he does, it's pretty freakin' awesome. In an attempt to spice up the weekend, I've collected pictures of some of Lloyd's greatest freakouts on referees and made a musical montage to celebrate their awesomeness. Enjoy!

Arrington Back With Blue!

"Apologize!"

Whatever Adrian Arrington did to get back in Lloyd Carr's good graces over the last two months worked - he is now back with the Wolverines. Has Carr ever given this many chances to a player in the recent past?

The Cowbell Commander has mixed feelings about Arrington's reinstatement. On one hand, Arrington is a superb receiver. Conversely, he is a douche bag who can't seem get his act together. I guess the only choice we have is to watch and see what unfolds this coming season. Will Arrington prove himself worthy of wearing the winged helmet? Or will he reach his third and final strike with Coach Carr?

Arrington says he is keeping himself out of trouble by playing a lot of Playstation 3 at night instead of staying out late. What game could he be playing?

Whatever method of self-control you use, Adrian, please make it work. Stay on the field for 13 games this year. As much as you worry me, I know the team needs you.

Carr Brings In Backups for Injured Players in 2007 Carr's Wash For Kids!

Rub-a-dub-dub gettin' sexy with a scrub...

Lloyd Carr's charity car wash with the Michigan football team has always been a smashing success and raises a substantial amount of money for the Mott Children's Hospital. This year however, many of the big-name players on the Michigan roster are injured and unable to wash cars at the event. Worried that the crowds might not respond to this year's edition of the annual fund raiser due to a lack of facetime with the starters, Lloyd Carr went with a backup plan that worked wonders.

"If people can't meet the starters at the car wash, I had to give them something else to motivate them to come," explained Carr. "I was thinking about possible solutions for this problem, and then it hit me: TIG OLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL' BITTIES! Nothing gets a car wash going like a bunch of promiscuous coeds in skimpy outfits seductively rubbing their soapy wet bodies over your exterior. So I went down to Deja Vu in Ypsilanti, invited a couple of the ladies down, and things couldn't have gone better. I think this might become a regular part of the event!"

If the Cowbell Commander owns a car by next year, he'll make sure it is very, very dirty in time for next year's Carr's Wash for Kids.

Lloyd Carr: Does Anyone Have Faith?

"Brothers! Sisters! You Must Believe! I! Have! The POWWWWWWWA!"

Autumn Thunder wants to know! Do you have faith in Lloyd? If this is his final year with Michigan, will he coach his greatest season ever? Will he just do a decent job and leave with a respectable legacy? Or will he blow it and leave on a sour note? Vote in the poll and see what your fellow fans think.