Really, Really Fat: The Charlie Weis Musical.

This video is rated F for Fat.

Ah, it's good to be back.

Weis and New Irish Recruits Kobayashi and Eater X Vow to Eat All Evidence of 2007 Season!

After Notre Dame's loss to USC this past weekend, Charlie Weis made a vow: all evidence of the Fighting Irish's 2007 season must be destroyed. This presents quite a challenge. There are countless newspapers covering the program, lots of video sources, and of course, the internet. This matters to nothing to Charlie Weis. He has a plan to get rid of the offending media:

Eat it. All of it.

"I've given athletic scholarships to Eater X and Takeru Kobayashi to help me with this cause," said Weis. "I just can't let any records of this horrible season exist for the rest of time. By the time the three of us are done chowing down, nobody will remember a thing about 2007 and what a crappy crappy job I did."


The addition of Eater X and Kobayashi will no doubt aid Weis in his quest to devour all the evidence of the catastrophic failure known as the 2007 season.

"Newspaper? I eat." Mumbled Kobayashi between munches on "The Irish Gazette." "Video tape? I eat. Computer with internet? I eat. "People who watch Notre Dame game and remember the score? I eat. Announcer who announce game on ESPN? I eat." Yes, he eat.

"I'm excited to be a part of the Notre Dame tradition." remarked Eater X. "I feel totally right at home with a bunch of other guys who are semi-famous for no apparent justifiable reason."

Autumn Thunder urges you to hide and protect all memorabilia from this season and treasure it forever.

Kevin White's "Weisagotchi" A Total Flop.

You have to feed him. And feed him. And feed him. And feed him. And feed him.

Today, Kevin White, AD at Notre Dame, recalled thousands of Weisagotchi toys. These electronic gadgets, modeled after the Tomagotchi craze of the late 90's, enable college football fans to own their own personal electronic version of Charlie Weis.

"Wooooooooooooord up!" said K-Money. "I needed to make some quick cash because our ticket sales were declining and all of our endorsements were falling through. 0-5 doesn't lend itself well to making cheddar, dig me? These Weisagotchi gizmos were supposed to be all that and a bag of chips. But really, they're makin' my peoples ill. I'm not talking about that good kind of ill that my hip hop homies are. I mean physically ill. Like gettin hospitlized ill."

Ouch! Talk about taking one for the team.

Thousands of Weisagotchi users were checking into hospitals due to extreme wrist pain. Why? Because in order to keep their Weisagotchis alive, users had to feed their Weisagotchi an average of 15 hot dogs a minute (only half of what the actual Charlie Weis eats). If the Weisagotchi was not fed enough, it would start to throw a temper tantrum, and revert to the toy's "press conference mode" where the Weisagotchi would get really defensive and say how great it was. The only way to get the Weisagotchi out of this defensive setting was to repeatedly press the "stroke ego" button for hours on end.

Several users who were not injured complained that their Weisagotchi died shortly after purchase. Apparantly, they tried to exercise it and it expired instantly.

Big Billy Dollaz's Punch Out!

This game is rated D for Dollaz!

Big Billy Dollaz has once again shocked the Michigan community with the release of his new video game "Big Billy Dollaz's Punch Out."

"Yo Yo Yo! I've been droppin' Franklins and Hamiltons left and right lately. All the scrappin' and stuntin' our boys have been doin' has burned a hole in my pocket. Lawyers fees, bail money, silencing the press...damn! I needed to make some quick cash. My liquid gold fountain in my office was starting to dry up, and son, you never, never front on a man's liquid gold fountain." said Dollaz.

"So I licensed this video game. I figured with all the punches our boys have been throwing over the last few weeks, this game would be tighter than Mary Sue Coleman's ass in a press conference. Forshizzle!"

Punching him in the stomach does nothing - too much flab in the way.

"The first opponent you face is Flubber McGobbles. He's an Irish guy who kinda looks like Charlie Weis, but is most certainly not Charlie Weis, due to all that legal shizzle. He's rated really high in the game, but he never lives up to the hype."

He's a crafty one! Punch him in the brain!

"You'll also duke it out with Shifty Vesterson. He uses really good strategy in each bout and winning against him is never easy. What's that? Did you say he looks like Jim Tressel? Hellz naw! Any likeness is purely coincidental, homeslice!"

Punch him in the mouth before he causes massive damage!

"One of the toughest opponents in my game is Yappy Gumflaps. Look how big his head is! He comes out really pumped up, and he taunts you a lot. For some reason, beating him is extra satisfying these days. Oh, and he is definitely not Jim Harbaugh. Word."

Controversial or not - I am buying this game tomorrow! It will be a nice change from NCAA 2008.

Charlie Weis Gets Helper Monkey; Eats It!

Man vs beast: survival of the fattest.

Because Charlie Weis was unable to perform many normal daily functions due to his weight problems and poor health in general, he was issued a helper monkey from the Helping Hands monkey assistance program for the start of fall practice. "Oh man, I was so excited to get him!" said Weis. "I named him Rockne and for a few days, he was a real help."

"But then, he stopped being helpful. I asked him to do normal everyday things which should be easy for a monkey if a guy like me is paid to do it. I said, "Monkey! Help me pick a starting quarterback for the 2007 season! I don't know what to do! He did nothing. The next day I said Monkey! Tell me how to stop losing bowl games! Still nothing. The next day, I said Monkey! Drive my Lexus to Wendy's and get me 15 Baconators and 10 Frosty Floats with Diet Coke! Then the little bastard flung his feces at me."

"So what did I do after that?" commented Weis. "I slapped a hot dog bun on him and ate the little critter. He helped curb my appetite."

Someone alert PETA!