Weis and New Irish Recruits Kobayashi and Eater X Vow to Eat All Evidence of 2007 Season!

After Notre Dame's loss to USC this past weekend, Charlie Weis made a vow: all evidence of the Fighting Irish's 2007 season must be destroyed. This presents quite a challenge. There are countless newspapers covering the program, lots of video sources, and of course, the internet. This matters to nothing to Charlie Weis. He has a plan to get rid of the offending media:

Eat it. All of it.

"I've given athletic scholarships to Eater X and Takeru Kobayashi to help me with this cause," said Weis. "I just can't let any records of this horrible season exist for the rest of time. By the time the three of us are done chowing down, nobody will remember a thing about 2007 and what a crappy crappy job I did."


The addition of Eater X and Kobayashi will no doubt aid Weis in his quest to devour all the evidence of the catastrophic failure known as the 2007 season.

"Newspaper? I eat." Mumbled Kobayashi between munches on "The Irish Gazette." "Video tape? I eat. Computer with internet? I eat. "People who watch Notre Dame game and remember the score? I eat. Announcer who announce game on ESPN? I eat." Yes, he eat.

"I'm excited to be a part of the Notre Dame tradition." remarked Eater X. "I feel totally right at home with a bunch of other guys who are semi-famous for no apparent justifiable reason."

Autumn Thunder urges you to hide and protect all memorabilia from this season and treasure it forever.

Kevin White's "Weisagotchi" A Total Flop.

You have to feed him. And feed him. And feed him. And feed him. And feed him.

Today, Kevin White, AD at Notre Dame, recalled thousands of Weisagotchi toys. These electronic gadgets, modeled after the Tomagotchi craze of the late 90's, enable college football fans to own their own personal electronic version of Charlie Weis.

"Wooooooooooooord up!" said K-Money. "I needed to make some quick cash because our ticket sales were declining and all of our endorsements were falling through. 0-5 doesn't lend itself well to making cheddar, dig me? These Weisagotchi gizmos were supposed to be all that and a bag of chips. But really, they're makin' my peoples ill. I'm not talking about that good kind of ill that my hip hop homies are. I mean physically ill. Like gettin hospitlized ill."

Ouch! Talk about taking one for the team.

Thousands of Weisagotchi users were checking into hospitals due to extreme wrist pain. Why? Because in order to keep their Weisagotchis alive, users had to feed their Weisagotchi an average of 15 hot dogs a minute (only half of what the actual Charlie Weis eats). If the Weisagotchi was not fed enough, it would start to throw a temper tantrum, and revert to the toy's "press conference mode" where the Weisagotchi would get really defensive and say how great it was. The only way to get the Weisagotchi out of this defensive setting was to repeatedly press the "stroke ego" button for hours on end.

Several users who were not injured complained that their Weisagotchi died shortly after purchase. Apparantly, they tried to exercise it and it expired instantly.

Autumn Thunder's First International Jesus-Off!

In the spirit of hosting Notre Dame this coming Saturday, I'm excited to present Autumn Thunder's first International Jesus-Off! Notre Dame is awfully proud of their signature piece of artwork known to many as Touchdown Jesus. But is it the finest likeness of Jesus in the land? Several Jesuses from around the world could give it a run for it's money. Behold!

TOUCHDOWN JESUS VS. CRISTO DE LAS NOAS

In Torreon, Mexico, one can find the second largest Jesus likeness in Latin America. Unfortunately, Torreon Jesus is not high on a hill and gets no extra majesty points. Though smaller, Touchdown Jesus wins this round due to it's iconic status.

Winner: Touchdown Jesus.

TOUCHDOWN JESUS VS. THE KING OF KINGS STATUE

At The Church of the Solid Rock in Monroe, OH (Okay, I'm impressed by something in Ohio. There's a first!), The King of Kings statue rises up out of the pond in back of the chapel. The likeness is 62 feet tall and weighs 16,000 pounds. I don't think there's any question who wins this round.
Winner: Bathtime Jesus

TOUCHDOWN JESUS VS. KYLEMORE JESUS

Outside Kylemore Castle in Ireland, a giant Jesus statue welcomes visitors with open arms. While this Jesus statue is a little weather beaten, it is actually Irish. Therefore...
Winner: Kylemore Jesus

TOUCHDOWN JESUS VS. OZARKS JESUS

Eureka Springs, Arkansas lays claim to a seven story, two million pound Jesus statue. Now that's a lotta Jesus. Just because of his sheer size...
Winner: Ozark Jesus

TOUCHDOWN JESUS VS. THE CORCOVADO

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil has one of the most iconic Jesus likenesses ever: The Corcovado. The Corcovado rests atop a mountain and overlooks the city, and gets mega aesthetic points for being covered by clouds and being behind gorgeous sunrises and sunsets. There's no topping the Corcovado.
Winner: The Corcovado

TOUCHDOWN JESUS VS. COCHABAMBA JESUS

In Cochabamba, Bolivia, there is a Mormon temple with a pretty impressive Jesus likeness. But, it is full of holes, as you can see from the picture. While we can't fault the statue for being holy, we do take points away for holes. Even though Cochabamba is becoming one of my new favorite words...
Winner: Touchdown Jesus

TOUCHDOWN JESUS VS. CHRIST OF THE ABYSS

In Key Largo, there is one of the few underwater Jesuses in the world. The coral and angelfish (how ironic!) surrounding this Jesus likeness provide a serene and breathtaking experience.
Winner: Scuba Jesus

TOUCHDOWN JESUS VS. BAHA JESUS

In Tiajuanna, Mexico, one can find Baha Jesus overlooking one of the country's major highways. While any attempt at portraying Jesus should be viewed as an honest and well intentioned endeavor, let's keep it real - this is one of the lower-tier Jesus likenesses. It's kind of reflective of the Buddy Christ from Dogma.
Winner: Touchdown Jesus

So, Touchdown Jesus goes three for eight. Not bad. I'm sure Charlie Weis would say that Touchdown Jesus is not in a rebuilding stage and is ready to contend for the championship, just like any other year...

Notre Dame DL Caught Red Hand-ed!

WWJD? Certainly Not This.

Notre Dame's defensive line took a hit this week as projected DT starter Derrell Hand was suspended from the team after he was caught in a prostitution sting. You should have used your hand, Hand! Too bad for the guy - he didn't get screwed...but most likely, his scholarship and chances to play college ball did.

"I understand how hard it is to resist temptation," said ND coach Charlie Weis. "Derrell probably felt the same thing looking at those skanky whores as I do when I look at a big juicy hot dog. It's hard to say no!"

On the Autumn Thunder soap box for a second - if you're a projected starting player for the college football program who some would claim is "America's team" and you can't get laid without coughing up some dough, something is wrong. Is this guy a total idiot? All he has to do is walk up to any woman in South Bend and say 5 magic words: "I-PLAY-FOR-THE-IRISH." BOOM! Pants on the ground. If touchdown Jesus is rockin', don't come a knockin.'

Michigan Gets Screwed In ND Series Renewal Deal.

Autumn Thunder has the exclusive transcript of the Michigan / Notre Dame series renewal conversation between Big Billy Dollaz and Kevin White (aka K-Money). Behold how it all went down and how Bill Martin got the losing end of the stick...

Yo Yo Yo! Whats up K-Money? Let's get down to biz-nass. We have to renew our series! I got bills to pay, my man. Babymama bills, automobills, stadium renovation bills... Plus, I want to go to the Gandy Dancer a few times tomorrow. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a few times for a snackaroonie, dig? What do you think?








Yeah man. I need some serious bread too. Our ludicrously self -indulgent NBC contract isn't enough to afford all that gold paint we go through every year. Plus, Charlie's hot-dog expenses have been off the hook. And now that you convinced Adidas to give you the most loot to wear their threads my contract with them doesn't seem like all that and a bag of chips anymore. I think we should extend this contract for 20 more years.







FOR SHIZZLE!!!












For shizzle. All you have to do is take me out for a nice meal and I'll renew the series. You ever hear of Mendy's? It's a great place. You'll love the swordfish. It's spectacular!

Later, at Mendy's...

You know what Dollaz? I'm not that hungry. I think I'll just have the soup.












Alright, whatev. But this still counts as the meal, my home-skillet.












No way! Soup isn't a meal! What are you trying to pull here Dollaz? I give you a perfectly good series renewal and you can't even buy me a meal?











Don't play games with me, K-Money! This is the meal! That's it! Nobody gets the best of Big Billy Dollaz!











Alright, this is the meal. But now, we get home field advantage in our favor for the hardest games on our schedule from now on.












Shizzle.













And there you have it, AT fans. Did BBD make the right move? We'll see.