Since moving to Brooklyn, I've been exposed to more rap than usual, which is turning out to be a nice break from the greatest hits of medieval Gregorian chant, yodeling masters, and Kenny G to which I listen daily. As a tribute to my new home, I proudly offer up a handful of Wolverines as my favorite old-school rap songs which best personify them. Ahem...
"Parents Just Don't Understand" (performed by Jazzy Jeff and Will Smith) - Carson Butler and Chris Richards.
How can you be dumb enough to a) get trashed and beat some poor kid senseless b) get kicked off one of the best college football teams in the country c) lose your full scholarship to and d) get expelled from one of the finest universities in the world? I bet their parents just don't understand.
"2 Legit 2 Quit" (performed by MC Hammer) - Mike Hart.
While Hammer eventually had to quit the game due to lack of funds, Hart never quits in the game due to lack of determination. Whenever he gets caught by a defensive back, he'll motor on for 5 more yards than any other mortal man should, sorta the way Hammer stretched his careeer to the very last rhyme longer than the music industry expected him to. This song personifies the bravado and the determination of these two men. Just once would I like to see Hart do the hand motions to this song after a touchdown.
"Ice Ice Baby" (performed by Vanilla Ice) - Chad Henne.
When the man gets in rhythm, Chad Henne lights up the field like a candle and rocks the long ball like a vandal. Like Ice, Henne is calm, cool, and collected when he performs, and doesn't get overly excited when he's out there doing his job. He delivers with confidence and swagger. When there's a problem - yo! He'll solve it.
"The Humpty Dance"(performed by Humpty Hump) - Zoltan Mesko.
Why do we love Zoltan so much? Why do we all secretly rejoice when The Humpty Dance comes on the PA system at parties? Once something gets a cult following, fans are quick to jump on the bandwagon and soon, a phenomenon has developed. (Not to say that you aren't worthy of your bandwagon, Zoltan -you rule!) His name is Zoltan. Pronounced with an ol-tan...