Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Linday Lohan and Maurice Clarett: Soul Mates?

2007 Bonnie and Clyde?

Do you ever wonder if people are made for each other? The Cowbell Commander sure does. After reading about Lindsay Lohan's arrest yesterday, I can't help but think how much in common she has with ├╝ber-douche Maurice Clarett. I bet that if these two got together, they would find that they could really relate to each other, and fall in love. Yes, that's right. Keep reading.

What does a spoiled Hollywood party girl have in common with a thug from Ohio? Hear me out for a minute.

First of all, these two were on the verge of blowing up their careers, made some bad decisions, and seriously derailed themselves from the successful paths laying in front of them. Get the small violins ready, folks.

After "Mean Girls", Lohan became America's jail bait princess. She was appearing everywhere in tabloids, getting lots of media attention, and was being offered an increased array of roles on screen. Yet, the lure of the Tinseltown party scene was too much for Lohan to handle and she single-nostriledly dismantled her career snort by snort.

Clarett was the victim of a different seductress - greed. Over $10,000 in illegal booster gifts were stolen out of a car Clarett borrowed and he was excommunicated from the OSU football factory without so much as a goodbye.

If Lindsay and Maurice got together for some lattes at Starbucks, they'd surely reminisce about all the good times in their lives before they seriously screwed themselves over and destroyed their chances a normal young adulthood.

Second, both Clarett and Lohan had multiple chances to get their acts straight, but chose to stay on the dark side. It wasn't just one bad choice that got them where they are today - they had the opportunity to learn from their mistakes and missed the lesson.

Clarett was given a second chance at football when the Denver Broncos drafted him in 2005 (even though he was quickly and unceremoniously cut from the team) and after his release following his first arrest in 2006. But hey, what can you say? It's hard to separate a man and his firearms.

Lohan went to rehab in February 2007, but she still didn't learn to stop powdering her nose in public. In April of this same year, she was publicly admonished by Hollywood executives for her flagrant unprofessionalism while acting in the crap-tacular "Georgia Rule," and a few days ago, Lohan was slapped with her second DUI and possession of her white powdery friend. Learn from your mistakes already!

They might seem like polar opposites. Lohan soft and feminine, glitzy and in the limelight. Clarett hard, dark, and gritty. But, I think that these two would make quite that handsome couple if the opportunity presented itself, don't you?

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