Sunday, August 10, 2008

If You Build It, They Will Pay.

Dollaz never sits down on the job, dawg.

Along with the luxury boxes which will be up by 2010, Big Billy Dollaz has found another way to generate a little bit of extra cash for the athletic department: seats with chairbacks. Wealthy Michigan fans will no longer have to endure three hours of lower-lumbar discomfort and can lean back without getting a knee in the spine like the rest of the average Joes at Michigan Stadium. While the chairback seats have not received the same amount of attention as the luxury boxes, they are still a luxury worth considering if one has a measly $2,000 per seat lying around.

Dollaz sees the value in these "small luxuries" and upon the advice of his financial advisor, Nick Elandime, plans to expand on the program.

"Yo yo yo! If a chair ain't got no back, that shizzle is wack!" Explained Dollaz. "This is just the tip of the iceberg, dawg. I'ma start charging for a whole lot more for the little niceties in life, like Oxygen. Fans that be wantin' some 02 in their section of the stadium are gonna have to donate $0.001/per breath taken inside the Big House starting in the 2009 season. Also, if fans want to wear jackets past September, there will be a $5.00 per coat per quarter of football surcharge. Those puffy jackets cramp up the stadium, which means I can't sell as many tickets because it's too crowded. This will make up for lost revenue. Wooooooooooooooooooooood up!"


Sgt. Wolverine said...

I think the oxygen surcharge should apply only to opposing fans.


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